justanewbie Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 (edited) Brushing aside any suggestion of a downturn in the market, Marcus Brilliant of Jeremy Leaf Estate Agents, East Finchley said that he expects record sales this month, next month and the forthcoming year. "We have more properties than ever before, fewer buyers than at any time in our history and fewer sales than any year since records began. Now is definitely the time to buy." Expansively gesturing to a six foot high pile of advertising brochures for several thousand properties he continued, "Never have we had so much time to devote to less customers. We are confident that buyers will see the sense in leaping in to the market quickly before it topples altogether into a frenzied blood bath. We are urging first time buyers to act immediately while prices are still at their optimum." Referring to a lady in the back room who was hurriedly putting on her coat, Mr Brilliant expanded, "Our staff are able to show potential buyers an absolute wealth of provocatively priced residences in desirable locations. Delaying a purchase now is very, very foolish." http://www.thisislocallondon.co.uk/news/he...ouse_prices.php Edited August 12, 2005 by justanewbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Brushing aside any suggestion of a downturn in the market,Marcus Brilliant of Jeremy Leaf Estate Agents, East Finchley said that he expects record sales this month, next month and the forthcoming year. "We have more properties than ever before, fewer buyers than at any time in our history and fewer sales than any year since records began. Now is definitely the time to buy." Expansively gesturing to a six foot high pile of advertising brochures for several thousand properties he continued, "Never have we had so much time to devote to less customers. We are confident that buyers will see the sense in leaping in to the market quickly before it topples altogether into a frenzied blood bath. We are urging first time buyers to act immediately while prices are still at their optimum." Referring to a lady in the back room who was hurriedly putting on her coat, Mr Brilliant expanded, "Our staff are able to show potential buyers an absolute wealth of provocatively priced residences in desirable locations. Delaying a purchase now is very, very foolish." http://www.thisislocallondon.co.uk/news/he...ouse_prices.php <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Very funny newbie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London-loser Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 You can understand why I can't quite bring myself to go in for a chat with my local estate agent, Mr Brilliant, can't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sledgehead Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 (edited) Estate Agent Mr Brillaint: "The fact that developers are still building new properties all the time means that the market is looking positive. We are not about to encounter the problems we had in the Eighties." Imagine the headline: "Barratts to halt all house building activity." Mr Brilliant? More like Mr Dim! Edited August 12, 2005 by Sledgehead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sledgehead Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 (edited) Newsflash: Barratts, Bovis, McCarthy&Stone, Redrow, Wimpey, Berkely and ******** to halt ALL Residential Development immediately In a move that sent the Construction & Building Materials sub-index negative for the first time in history, every property developer in the country announced they would cease all residential property development as of 12:00am today. The announcement was accompanied by a rush for the doors at estate agents up and down the country. A rush that is for the toilet doors. Estate agents, who have been known to suffer bouts of verbal diarrhoea at the best of times, found themselves fighting over cubicles as their bowels involuntarily voided all contents of their bodies. Marcus Brillaint of estate agents Jeremy Leaf admitted things were bad, having previously cited the absense of an all-out halt to development as the sign of a "great time to buy". "You can appreciate the value of a good ensuite at times like this," said Mr Brilliant, determined to put a positive spin on the dire news whilst desperately trying to cram a prolapsed kidney back up his rectum. Edited August 13, 2005 by Sledgehead Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justanewbie Posted August 12, 2005 Author Share Posted August 12, 2005 East Finchley Herald Friday 12th August 2005 =============== Police were called today to attend an incident at an Estate Agency in the borough when a crowd of about three thousand people attempted to enter the premises. Asked what had happened, Marcusdown Brilliantine commented, "Well we had a customer who wanted to view a house." Further coaxing of Mr Brillaintine ellicited the information that the three thousand people were house sellers desperate to gain a single viewing of their property. "We haven't had a serious customer for six weeks," added the dishevelled Agent. "It was quite a shock." Riot squad officers, aided by mounted police, took five hours to clear the street, seriously hampered by house sellers begging police officers, "Give us a break, guv. At least have a look. We'll knock twenty grand off." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VickyPollard Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Yeah but, well, but that Mark Brollint, he said he had a big one an' I believed 'im an' so did Marcie Wallbanger, but when we got 'im behind the chip shop we couldn't find it and had to sit on his finger instead, the liar ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sledgehead Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Yeah but, well, but that Mark Brollint, he said he had a bigone an' I believed 'im an' so did Marcie Wallbanger, but when we got 'im behind the chip shop we couldn't find it and had to sit on his finger instead, the liar ! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> disgusting, but well informed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oracle Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Estate Agent Mr Brillaint:Imagine the headline: "Barratts to halt all house building activity." Mr Brilliant? More like Mr Dim! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ...are they employing th Mr.Men now??? that's a new one!!...Mr Tickle can subtly remove all the SSTC signs that have been springing up,While Mr Smelly can keep talking bullsh1t and stink the room out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grime- skint wouldbe ftb Posted August 12, 2005 Share Posted August 12, 2005 Have I just woken up out of a coma on April 1st?? He attributes the drop in prices to the recent terrorist attacks and potential buyers going away in the summer. Eheh. hehe. Ho ho ho. AHahahahhahaha!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRSB Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Excellent, haven't laughed so much for ages - probably ought to get out more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
right_freds_dead Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 well, at least we are now dealing with facts rather than speculation and arguments. though its going to take at least 5 years to settle back down to normal prices. with the government and VIs fighting it all the way. tozzers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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