Jump to content
House Price Crash Forum
Sign in to follow this  
VacantPossession

Bank Of England Boss Votes For A Cut!

Recommended Posts

In a sensational move today the Monetary Policy Committee voted for a Mr King, the bank's supremo, to have a hair cut, and not let it grow, as many Bears had predicted.

After the move, one which all Estate Agents and other Vested Interests had been pressing for, the committee confirmed that Mr King's hair had failed to grow by much more than half a centimetre in the last month, barely enough to register on the bank's "hair-meter", so it was decided to cut the supremo's hair by a quarter of one inch.

That was hardly a "no.1" haircut but should keep Mr. King looking smart and neat for at least another month.

When asked if letting hair grow, or asking it to be cut, had the slightest influence on either the economy, house prices, the weather or even the discovery of new planets, the Bank replied: "It is hard to tell whether a haircut has a long term effect on anything, but as a precaution we voted for the barber to pay Mr King a visit, just in case".

VP

Edited by VacantPossession

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SENSATIONAL TURNAROUND: Bank reverse vote. NO HAIRCUT AFTER ALL.

After a confused meeting of today's monetary committee, a few whispers in corridors and not a little " pressure" brought to bear (sic) by a number of large men in dark suits, the committee finally decided not to allow Mr Mervyn King, the Bank of England's Governor, to have an expected hair cut.

The city can only speculate (as it always does) on the reasons for the shock decision, but sources close to the Bank have indicated that whether or not the Governor's hair is allowed to grow or is indeed completely removed by a drastic haircut (known in banking circles as the "No.1" cut) it would not have the slightest influence on the inevitable collapse of housing and indeed the entire civilised world.

As a bank spokesman explained: "How anyone in their right mind could possibly imagine that cutting the Governor's hair by half an inch could have the slightest impact on anything is beyond us".

The chairman of the CBI (Confederation of Bellicose Insincerity), a Mr Digby Fairweather, was asked to comment and said: "this is a national tragedy of epic proportions. The decision not to cut Mr King's hair will have tragic consequences for all those poor people who are already struggling to maintain the derisory 200% profits they have barely been able to make out of owning houses. What we need now is action from the committee and this failure to cut is indicative of the current thinking that people like me should be left to suffer.

Another spokesman, for the Association of Risible Spivs, Estate agents and Speculators (AR$ES) immediately issued a press release which highlighted the plight of property industry workers whose entire life work "had been obliterated".

It is not known whether the Monetary Committee was aware of the vast implications of not allowing a hair cut. It is thought that the committee's long term goal is to do nothing about the governor's hair length, except if anything let it grow slowly in the next five months. Insiders are of the opinion that the surprise lack of hairdressing in the Governor's office was a cryptic message that the housing market can "go screw itself"....and that the bank wanted nothing more to do with the whole mess.

VP

Edited by VacantPossession

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HAHAHA

Also

Krusty The Clown also noted that "A hair cut could've saved the Kuntry, now we have FTH (First Time Hairdressers) looking at Buying FT-Saloons again"

Asked if Krusty had any further comments the imbecile replied

"Yes, I'm out this funked up Kuntry - its messing with my hair"

Edited by OzzMosiz

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

But why cut rates as everything is doing so fine, all them rises have not even slowed the housing market yet as many here keep telling us so I’m off out to spend my £15 per month saving on interest one buying a new house, a dolls house

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
But why cut rates as everything is doing so fine, all them rises have not even slowed the housing market yet as many here keep telling us so I’m off out to spend my £15 per month saving on interest one buying a new house, a dolls house

Makes me laugh that the £15 saving will be wiped out by gas, electricity and later next year increase in council tax at least 4 times over!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.