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Easy Credit Sparks 80s Film Remake

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HOLLYWOOD, CA - The ease with which credit can be obtained these days has prompted Hollywood producers to remake a raft of films that reflect the current financial environment.

Most notably, previous unknown, Lawrence Morenti, has decided to remake the 80's rites of passage classic "Risky Business."

The film depicted a teenage Tom Cruise attempting to raise the funds to repair his parents' porsche by turning the family home into a Brothel.

But elements from the ultra religious right argue the film depicts young middle class American whites in an unrealistic light.

"He would most certainly have resorted to an unsecured loan," said the Rev Jimmy Jason of the Church of Our Lord, Not Yours. "For instance," he continued, "A Church of OLNY credit card would allow Cruise's character to borrow up to $50,000 at the attractive APR of 16.8%, with 0% on all balance transfers."

The C of OLNY are set to bank-roll the remake , working title "Risky Business without Credit Indemnity: Cos only the Good Lord Saves." But hopes to secure Cruise for the lead evaporated when he declared he no longer wanted to be involved in films watched by people half his age, adding, "Katie will have to make her own entertainment."

Others believe Cruise was uninspired by the script. Running at only 10 mins & 20 seconds, the film is indeed set to be a shadow of its former self and sees Cruise's original character "dashing" between loan and credit providers, in what is being trailed as a "desperate bid to secure the best deal, subject to status."

Filming starts in September.

Edited by Sledgehead

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  • 301 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

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