sharpe Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My experience is the world is so full of injustice, protesting is difficult and it is often easier to join them than beat them. With this in mind I would like to get involved in QE - or just get some bail out cash from the BOE. I have a small private company, it has some assets which I have marked to model at around 10 million pounds. However, due to current market conditions, liquidity, the credit crunch (choose guff that fits), these assets would only realise a few grand in the current market. Is there any chance of getting some BOE cash? How are other people doing this? I mean practically how can I off load some junk for millions? I was planning just to write to the BOE directly - thought I would write here first on the off chance of any pointers. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_duke_of_hazzard Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My experience is the world is so full of injustice, protesting is difficult and it is often easier to join them than beat them. With this in mind I would like to get involved in QE - or just get some bail out cash from the BOE. I have a small private company, it has some assets which I have marked to model at around 10 million pounds. However, due to current market conditions, liquidity, the credit crunch (choose guff that fits), these assets would only realise a few grand in the current market. Is there any chance of getting some BOE cash? How are other people doing this? I mean practically how can I off load some junk for millions? I was planning just to write to the BOE directly - thought I would write here first on the off chance of any pointers. Thanks If your business is wound down, what are the chances of a riot ensuing? Ensure one would ensue and you're laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erat_forte Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My experience is the world is so full of injustice, protesting is difficult and it is often easier to join them than beat them. With this in mind I would like to get involved in QE - or just get some bail out cash from the BOE. I have a small private company, it has some assets which I have marked to model at around 10 million pounds. However, due to current market conditions, liquidity, the credit crunch (choose guff that fits), these assets would only realise a few grand in the current market. Is there any chance of getting some BOE cash? How are other people doing this? I mean practically how can I off load some junk for millions? I was planning just to write to the BOE directly - thought I would write here first on the off chance of any pointers. Thanks Have you invited Mandleson onto your yacht yet? How many times? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr ray Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 The time for doing this may have passed. In the past you could have inflated the value of the assets and borrowed heavily. A clever accountant could then have syphoned money off the company to your personal account and then when the company is bled dry you go bankrupt, tell all the creditors to spin on it and retire rich. Examples of this were Wrekin construction who borrowed millions using a paperweight as collateral and of course British Leyland. Not so easy to borrow now so this door may have shut. Gold plating ordinary circulating coins and selling them as gold proofs or gold plating tungsten bars and selling them on ebay might bring in some money if you have nothing to lose. If you have a printing business you could cut out the middle man and just print £20 notes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharpe Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 "Dear Sir / Madam, I am writing to ask if I can sell you some of my assets to you under the quantitative easing scheme. I have some assets owned by my small business and some private assets that may fall within the scheme. I estimate the value of my assets using a “Mark to Model” approach and arrive at a total of 10 million pounds. In particular some home made plum wine I am estimating at 1 million pounds a bottle, due to extreme rarity value (I have only 6 bottle left in global stocks). However due to a crisis of liquidity in the current market, I am unable to realize these fair values and suggest you realize these values under the quantitative easing scheme. Failing that if it would fit in under the bail out scheme applied to the banks, would barely cause an eye brow raise amongst all the bonuses and pensions being paid. As an incentive I would offer you a stay on my yacht near Corfu, but as I am yet to purchase one, until receipt of the QE bail out cash I would have to make do with hosting you in my allotment shed with perhaps a bottle of said plum wine. I see this 10 million QE payment as some compensation for the dilution of my life savings your money printing is causing and as well as monthly interest payments being taken from my prudent savings and passed onto feckless borrowers." I sent it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shedfish Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 PC World always have some good printer deals on - once you've bought the first one with real BoE money, it's a sustainable and potentially exponential process Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan B'Stard MP Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 "Dear Sir / Madam, I am writing to ask if I can sell you some of my assets to you under the quantitative easing scheme. I have some assets owned by my small business and some private assets that may fall within the scheme. I estimate the value of my assets using a “Mark to Model” approach and arrive at a total of 10 million pounds. In particular some home made plum wine I am estimating at 1 million pounds a bottle, due to extreme rarity value (I have only 6 bottle left in global stocks). However due to a crisis of liquidity in the current market, I am unable to realize these fair values and suggest you realize these values under the quantitative easing scheme. Failing that if it would fit in under the bail out scheme applied to the banks, would barely cause an eye brow raise amongst all the bonuses and pensions being paid. As an incentive I would offer you a stay on my yacht near Corfu, but as I am yet to purchase one, until receipt of the QE bail out cash I would have to make do with hosting you in my allotment shed with perhaps a bottle of said plum wine. I see this 10 million QE payment as some compensation for the dilution of my life savings your money printing is causing and as well as monthly interest payments being taken from my prudent savings and passed onto feckless borrowers." I sent it I suspect you have to navigate the spam and profanity filter - but best of british to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StainlessSteelCat Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I sent it If I were the representative at the BoE receiving this - I'd probably send you a fiver in the post for making me laugh. Sadly I'm not. And while I'm sure the average BoE employee must have a great sense of humour I suspect they only give free money away to their mates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinzano Bianco Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Nice one. I think I've got some old junk in the attic too. Let me know if you get a bite from the BOE and I'll try them with my stuff next. (There's a wooden tennis racquet and some shoes which are kind of worn out, but are still very comfy. It has to be worth a few mill.) Lol BoEbay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sillybear2 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) My experience is the world is so full of injustice, protesting is difficult and it is often easier to join them than beat them. With this in mind I would like to get involved in QE - or just get some bail out cash from the BOE. Get a large A4 envelope, collect any old scraps of monopoly money or tokens from old board games, used train/bus/cinema/failed lottery tickets, gems of tanzania, get a child to scrawl the words CDO, CDO2 or CDO Cubed on toilet paper or the back of empty corn flake boxes with crayon and send all the assorted junk to :- Jim Will Fix it Mervyn Allister King Blue Peter Bank of England Threadneedle St London, EC2R Within 48 hours you should receive equally useless scraps of paper in return called Pounds Sterling. Edited November 23, 2009 by sillybear2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fool's Gold Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I suspect you have to navigate the spam and profanity filter - but best of british to you. Ahh but I hear they've relaxed the filters recently in that they are now willing to consider all emails from Nigeria offering once in a lifetime business opportunities such allowing money to 'pass through' their account but keeping 10% of it. So you never know, it may just get through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bajista Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 You need to think bigger. Much bigger. Create a nice looking legal contract for a financial instrument of your choice ( ideally with some calculus in the valuation computation) between your company and Goldman Sucks in the value of about 100 billion. It should show you owe them the money. Then write to the bank of England saying you are really sorry but your company is unable to meet its obligations to Goldman Sucks unless it receives a bailout from BOE. The sum will appear in your account within hours as protecting poor starving GS employees is the primary purpose of all central bankers. Then you can tear up the fictional contract and spend the money on whatever you feel like. I suggest water, beanz and guns of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wren Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 ... I sent it Very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Executive Sadman Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Become too big to fail. Buy the rubbish now the govt will have to buy later one commentator said last year. How right he was. The irony is theres probably more rubbish now than ever before, except the govt already bought it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sledgehead Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 How to get in on QE? Same way as everybody else: put your money in assets where the printed stuff and its stimulus derivatives are winding up, ie Brazil, India, China Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheCountOfNowhere Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 How to get in on QE? Same way as everybody else: put your money in assets where the printed stuff and its stimulus derivatives are winding up, ie Brazil, India, China What happens when the printing stops and the greatest of the greater fools try and sell their ass-ets ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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