CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello and good afternoon, I have recently come to the conclusion that engaging in any type of productive endevour is a waste of my time, i would like to become a banksta so that i can profit from gambling with/redistributing other peoples money. To this end i have already moved away from the productive economy and currently earn a living by trading and match betting on tennis and football, my current ROI for tennis is 11.1% and 3.9% for football. My biggest problem is that due to a recent expensive divorce my bankroll is not very large, and as i have already stated i would prefer to profit from gambling with/redistributing other peoples money. I feel i,m qualified for this role for the following reasons. 1. i have a degree in computer science. 2. i have already displayed the ability to make profitable financial trades. 3. i have no problems with the fact that for me to make money other people have to lose money. Although probably my biggest asset is my willingness to take the fall for my banksta bosses, as some kind of rogue trader, so that they can walk away absolved of any blame for my devious actions. This would of course be subject to a large amount of financial compensation. If you or your organisation see that these characteristics could be an asset please contact me. simonc2311@hotmail.co.uk As a famous gangster once said if you really want to steal money you do it with a briefcase not a gun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbga9pgf Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello and good afternoon,I have recently come to the conclusion that engaging in any type of productive endevour is a waste of my time, i would like to become a banksta so that i can profit from gambling with/redistributing other peoples money. To this end i have already moved away from the productive economy and currently earn a living by trading and match betting on tennis and football, my current ROI for tennis is 11.1% and 3.9% for football. My biggest problem is that due to a recent expensive divorce my bankroll is not very large, and as i have already stated i would prefer to profit from gambling with/redistributing other peoples money. I feel i,m qualified for this role for the following reasons. 1. i have a degree in computer science. 2. i have already displayed the ability to make profitable financial trades. 3. i have no problems with the fact that for me to make money other people have to lose money. Although probably my biggest asset is my willingness to take the fall for my banksta bosses, as some kind of rogue trader, so that they can walk away absolved of any blame for my devious actions. This would of course be subject to a large amount of financial compensation. If you or your organisation see that these characteristics could be an asset please contact me. simonc2311@hotmail.co.uk As a famous gangster once said if you really want to steal money you do it with a briefcase not a gun. Hello Mr C From the north west... your picture has just popped up on Facebook when I entered your email address.... Aint the tinternet wonderful? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Spaniard Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Good that you understand computers. All you need do is type in some numbers. You then lend some of these numbers to other people and insist that they pay you back with bigger numbers. You need to fix it with the government that your numbers are interchangeable with theirs, which they call "legal tender". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloo Loo Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 How dare you apply for a job as a bankster without having your facebook entry showing you with tie, suit and sunglasses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wait & See Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 You need to shout utter b0ll0x 500 times a day and drive home in a Boxter. Are you man enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Y-QUERK Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello Mr C From the north west... your picture has just popped up on Facebook when I entered your email address.... Aint the tinternet wonderful? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hello Mr C From the north west... your picture has just popped up on Facebook when I entered your email address.... Aint the tinternet wonderful? ah! my little brazilian adventure, a trip to rio and the carnival is highly recommended, ipenema beach (posto 9) and club HELP being 2 not to be missed locations. I LIKE BIG BUTTS I CAN,T DENY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Good that you understand computers.All you need do is type in some numbers. You then lend some of these numbers to other people and insist that they pay you back with bigger numbers. You need to fix it with the government that your numbers are interchangeable with theirs, which they call "legal tender". Sounds exactly like the type of "work" that i,m looking for spaniard. we shall go to rome and have bloody adventures, and when enough men have died , maybe then you shall have your freedom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 You need to shout utter b0ll0x 500 times a day and drive home in a Boxter. Are you man enough? boxster IF i can,t have a bugatti veyron or at least an aston vanquish i dont think it will be worth my time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 How dare you apply for a job as a bankster without having your facebook entry showing you with tie, suit and sunglasses. sorry but if i get any offers i can always pop down to PRIMARNI for a whistle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Spaniard Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Sounds exactly like the type of "work" that i,m looking for spaniard. we shall go to rome and have bloody adventures, and when enough men have died , maybe then you shall have your freedom. Glad you like the sound of it, though it's not all champagne and caviar. There are some miserable spoilsports in Basel who will try to limit your numbers, but don't worry, there are guys already in the trade who will show you how to get round that. Just ask about "CDOs", they'll know what you mean. Also, don't worry if some of your borrowers can't pay your numbers back. The government will give you some of their own numbers which they will type into their big computer in Threadneedle Street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sillybear2 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 To be honest the new era of banking isn't about taking risks, VAR, or actual trading, it simply comes down to one thing, are you good at blackmail and outright theft? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Glad you like the sound of it, though it's not all champagne and caviar.There are some miserable spoilsports in Basel who will try to limit your numbers, but don't worry, there are guys already in the trade who will show you how to get round that. Just ask about "CDOs", they'll know what you mean. Also, don't worry if some of your borrowers can't pay your numbers back. The government will give you some of their own numbers which they will type into their big computer in Threadneedle Street. Yes its a beutifull system isn,t it ? the problem is all my cash is all in ILLUMINATEES and they will not become legal tender until 2010 (oops! don,t tell anyone ) i believe the conversion rate from USD, STERLING AND EURO will be beyond the reach of the populus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 To be honest the new era of banking isn't about taking risks, VAR, or actual trading, it simply comes down to one thing, are you good at blackmail and outright theft? I feel that that is where my strenghts would lie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sillybear2 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I feel that that is where my strenghts would lie. You also missed my inability to count to two, you've got the job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godless Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 You need to find a small country with untapped resources, ask any large self-important government for an expeditionary force, just enough to raise tension in the small country. While they start fighting each other start extracting the resources and send a small sample back to the donor government and sell the rest. Then go back to the small country and invest it in both warring factions by way of obsolete armoury. When you've made enough to buy the small countries government, ask them politely for control of the all the resources in exchange for either more modern arms or offer a bribe. Then set up a bank with the proceeds, repeat if you spend it all to fast on mansions or failed expeditions in other countries. Once established you can then bribe your way to law changes and print as much as you want to buy anything you want. Easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 You need to find a small country with untapped resources, ask any large self-important government for an expeditionary force, just enough to raise tension in the small country. While they start fighting each other start extracting the resources and send a small sample back to the donor government and sell the rest. Then go back to the small country and invest it in both warring factions by way of obsolete armoury. When you've made enough to buy the small countries government, ask them politely for control of the all the resources in exchange for either more modern arms or offer a bribe. Then set up a bank with the proceeds, repeat if you spend it all to fast on mansions or failed expeditions in other countries. Once established you can then bribe your way to law changes and print as much as you want to buy anything you want. Easy. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN But maybe i should stick to what i know, i was thinking of opening a college for "international business studies" in london so i could get student visas for all the lovely young brazilian girls that i met on ipenema beach this year. For some strange reason they all want to come to london. In exchange for this visa, after college hours they would have to work in my private members health spa and offer stressed out city boys "executive stress relief massages" i would take an 80% share and get rich, they can find rich husbands, everyones a winner the spa would be called BRAZILIANT. I,M PITCHING THIS ON DRAGONS DEN NEXT WEEK, BUT WILL LISTEN TO ANY INTERESTES INVESTORS BEFOREHAND. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloo Loo Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 a good tip for bankstership is to have a stupid name, like Justin Sibleystein, or Alfalfa fartalot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sillybear2 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN But maybe i should stick to what i know, i was thinking of opening a college for "international business studies" in london so i could get student visas for all the lovely young brazilian girls that i met on ipenema beach this year. For some strange reason they all want to come to london. In exchange for this visa, after college hours they would have to work in my private members health spa and offer stressed out city boys "executive stress relief massages" i would take an 80% share and get rich, they can find rich husbands, everyones a winner the spa would be called BRAZILIANT. You could also make a film about just how shitty Britain will be in a few years time, and call it Brazil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 You could also make a film about just how shitty Britain will be in a few years time, and call it Brazil. BRAZIL MINUS THE SUN AND BEUTIFULL BEACHES, AND WITH FAT WHITE CHAVY LARGER SWILLING TROLLOPS INSTEAD OF THE GIRLS FROM IPENEMA. H,MMM TOUGH CHOICE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
codeine Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Hahaha We Brits are a beautiful race, are we not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccc Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Most banksters actually earn very average wages. I think you are talking about a very small number of uber bankers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pindar Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&s...amp;aq=&oq= Google has you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackalope Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 ah! my little brazilian adventure, a trip to rio and the carnival is highly recommended, ipenema beach (posto 9) and club HELP being 2 not to be missed locations.I LIKE BIG BUTTS I CAN,T DENY Definitely concur on the Help disco. I picked up a pro in there and she had my knob out before the taxi driver had got into 2nd gear on the way back to the hotel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarbonBasedLifeform Posted August 31, 2009 Author Share Posted August 31, 2009 Definitely concur on the Help disco. I picked up a pro in there and she had my knob out before the taxi driver had got into 2nd gear on the way back to the hotel. posh ***** i was staying in the favellas, nice view though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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