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Dave Spart

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Caught a moment of Channel 5 news yesterday presented by the hideously overpaid Natasha Kaplinsky. The bulletin was shown at around 5pm when children would make up a large proportion of the audience.

Their last article was about a poll they'd conducted on the streets on - get this - Which is better : Strictly Come Dancing or X-Factor?

Besides the facts that (1) these do not constitute news (2) neither are shown on Channel 5, the squeaky young female reporter flittered from one bystander to the next thrusting a microphone in their face to ask the question.

"Strictly" responded one individual, "X- Factor" said another and so it went on until it became clear X-Factor appears to be the opiate of choice among the sheeple. That was confirmed when the reporter revealed the Earth shattering news that in a poll of 50 people 14 preferred Strictly while 34 preferred X-Factor.

What then of the other two?

They had committed the cardinal sin of admitting to not liking either show, prompting the reporter, in a sadisitic display of power, to smugly castigate the heretics in front of the nation with the contemptuous comment "they should get a life."

Remember viewers : Toe the line or you shall be cast down among the sodomites.

My advice to viewers is this : Reach for the off button.

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Agreed.

I like cycling - on or off road. I met a real off-road dude a couple of years back (the sort with an 853-framed hardtail, the deep tan of someone who only goes indoors to eat and sleep and no body fat - MTB buffs will know the sort I mean). He had a T-shirt with the slogan 'The outdoors is my X-box' or something similar. Sage comment.

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Guest X-QUORK
Caught a moment of Channel 5 news yesterday presented by the hideously overpaid Natasha Kaplinsky. The bulletin was shown at around 5pm when children would make up a large proportion of the audience.

Their last article was about a poll they'd conducted on the streets on - get this - Which is better : Strictly Come Dancing or X-Factor?

Besides the facts that (1) these do not constitute news (2) neither are shown on Channel 5, the squeaky young female reporter flittered from one bystander to the next thrusting a microphone in their face to ask the question.

"Strictly" responded one individual, "X- Factor" said another and so it went on until it became clear X-Factor appears to be the opium of choice among the sheeple. That was confirmed when the reporter revealed the Earth shattering news that in a poll of 50 people 14 preferred Strictly while 34 preferred X-Factor.

What then of the other two?

They had committed the cardinal sin of admitting to not liking either show, prompting the reporter, in a sadisitic display of power, to smugly castigate the heretics in front of the nation with the contemptuous comment "they should get a life."

Remember viewers : Toe the line or you shall be cast down among the sodomites.

My advice to viewers is this : Reach for the off button.

Mate, it's Channel 5. I wouldn't read the Daily Sport expecting anything other than tits.

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Guest X-QUORK
'The outdoors is my X-box' or something similar. Sage comment.

Not so sage actually, I found there was no electricity to speak of on Scafell Pike and the bloody thing wouldn't work.

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For all the hype given that we have a 60m+ population these peak statistics show that most people don't watch the reality shows. People at work don't talk about them (bar a small number of Big Brother types) and the only place I regulalry hear them disucssed is on local radio ("did you see Mario in the dancing?") whereupon I switch station.

The days of 30m programmes http://www.bfi.org.uk/features/mostwatched/2000s.html are in the past. Everything is a minority interest these days.

I have highlighted the ones below that I saw. And yes I am ashamed of the first one but the relentless media pressure got to me.

Top 20 Officials- Most watched programmes of 2009 (up to and including w/e August 9th)

01 - 18.29m - BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT FINAL RESULT (31/05/09) - ITV1

02 - 16.36m - BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT (31/05/09) - ITV1

03 - 11.46m - CORONATION STREET (02/02/09) - ITV1

04 - 11.46m - EASTENDERS (02/04/09) - BBC1

05 - 11.31m - DANCING ON ICE (22/03/09) - ITV1

06 - 9.91m - JONATHAN CREEK (01/01/09) - BBC1

07 - 9.84m - COMIC RELIEF (13/03/09) - BBC1

08 - 9.76m - THE APPRENTICE (03/06/09) - BBC1

09 - 9.54m - DOCTOR WHO (11/04/09) - BBC1

10 - 9.26m - WHITECHAPEL (02/02/09) - ITV1

11 - 9.20m - KILIMANJARO: THE BIG RED NOSE CLIMB (12/03/09) - BBC1

12 - 8.78m - NEW TRICKS (16/07/09) - BBC1

13 - 8.92m - DANCING ON ICE - THE SKATE OFF (08/03/09) - ITV1

14 - 8.55m - WIMBLEDON 2009 (29/06/09) - BBC1

15 - 8.54m - EMMERDALE (02/02/09) - ITV1

16 - 8.53m - COMIC RELIEF DOES THE APPRENTICE (12/03/09) - BBC1

17 - 8.52m - WILD AT HEART (08/03/09) - ITV1

18 - 8.44m - LET'S DANCE FOR COMIC RELIEF (07/03/09) - BBC1

19 - 8.31m - UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Man United vs Barcelona (27/05/09) - ITV1

20 - 8.00m - ABOVE SUSPICION (05/01/09) - ITV1

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Not so sage actually, I found there was no electricity to speak of on Scafell Pike and the bloody thing wouldn't work.

Should have had one of those battery powered hand held consoles....

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Guest DisposableHeroes
Caught a moment of Channel 5 news yesterday presented by the hideously overpaid Natasha Kaplinsky. The bulletin was shown at around 5pm when children would make up a large proportion of the audience.

Their last article was about a poll they'd conducted on the streets on - get this - Which is better : Strictly Come Dancing or X-Factor?

Besides the facts that (1) these do not constitute news (2) neither are shown on Channel 5, the squeaky young female reporter flittered from one bystander to the next thrusting a microphone in their face to ask the question.

"Strictly" responded one individual, "X- Factor" said another and so it went on until it became clear X-Factor appears to be the opium of choice among the sheeple. That was confirmed when the reporter revealed the Earth shattering news that in a poll of 50 people 14 preferred Strictly while 34 preferred X-Factor.

What then of the other two?

They had committed the cardinal sin of admitting to not liking either show, prompting the reporter, in a sadisitic display of power, to smugly castigate the heretics in front of the nation with the contemptuous comment "they should get a life."

Remember viewers : Toe the line or you shall be cast down among the sodomites.

My advice to viewers is this : Reach for the off button.

Embarrassing TV (very 1984), in total contrast to greats like, "The Wire".

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They had committed the cardinal sin of admitting to not liking either show, prompting the reporter, in a sadisitic display of power, to smugly castigate the heretics in front of the nation with the contemptuous comment "they should get a life."

Saw a similar 'sadistic display of power' a few yrs ago, when a bouncy young presenter went round with a mike trying to make people look stupid.

He was asking passers-by whether they had any idea what a 'black hole' was.

Predictably enough, the first few had not a clue, or only the vaguest.

Sublimely confident of another 'No idea, mate', he then asked a very scruffy, shirtless, long-haired bloke lying on the grass in the sun.

In a very chilled manner, bloke pushed back his sunglasses. 'Yes, actually. I'm a particle physicist.'

:lol::lol::lol:

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If we actually did toe the party line and do nothing but watch sheeple TV there'd be nothing going on in the world to turn into TV programmes.

Antidote. Help yourself.

If everybody looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at each other.

If everyone is thinking the same thing, nobody's thinking.

The key to success is to risk thinking unconventional thoughts. Convention is the enemy of progress.

(Trevor Baylis)

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Guest X-QUORK

Brooker is the only person on the box who tells it like it is. He sneers like no other.

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I got rid of my TV five years ago. Not because I don't like TV programmes. I'm quite fond of a number of American dramas like House, and I love comedy like Mock the Week or entertainment like Top Gear. I dumped the thing because if it was in the room, I'd turn it on and then because it was on, I would watch something, whether I was enjoying it or not. It was amazing how much time could be sucked away by the thing.

Nowadays, I happily buy or borrow DVDs of the shows I actually like, and make heavy use of the BBC iplayer. Ironically the parts of the BBC that I use an might actually pay money towards are those that do not require me to have a TV license. I only watch what I want, when I choose, rather than beign continually drip fed junk TV.

But what this does mean is that I know absolutely nothing about adverts, and the recent fad for reality talent shows has completely passed me by. It's almost amusing at times, as I'm a nightmare for advertisers, promoters and newspapermen. Adverts and headlines assume you've already picked up a certain level of ifrom the TV promotions, which I don't have,so the other adverts are meningless gibberish to me.

Though I admit to guiltily enjoying the Apprentice. Now, you need to have had a couple of beers first, but it's a great show to come home and yell "you idiots!" at repeatedly.

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Caught a moment of Channel 5 news yesterday presented by the hideously overpaid Natasha Kaplinsky. The bulletin was shown at around 5pm when children would make up a large proportion of the audience.

Their last article was about a poll they'd conducted on the streets on - get this - Which is better : Strictly Come Dancing or X-Factor?

Besides the facts that (1) these do not constitute news (2) neither are shown on Channel 5, the squeaky young female reporter flittered from one bystander to the next thrusting a microphone in their face to ask the question.

"Strictly" responded one individual, "X- Factor" said another and so it went on until it became clear X-Factor appears to be the opiate of choice among the sheeple. That was confirmed when the reporter revealed the Earth shattering news that in a poll of 50 people 14 preferred Strictly while 34 preferred X-Factor.

What then of the other two?

They had committed the cardinal sin of admitting to not liking either show, prompting the reporter, in a sadisitic display of power, to smugly castigate the heretics in front of the nation with the contemptuous comment "they should get a life."

Remember viewers : Toe the line or you shall be cast down among the sodomites.

My advice to viewers is this : Reach for the off button.

I have no objection to them as programs, as long as I don't have to watch them.

Unfortunately the BBC competes with the other channels for audience ratings and this results in programs like Stricly Come Dancing. It's their way of justifying their continued access to the TV Licence revenue.

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Guest Skinty
Not so sage actually, I found there was no electricity to speak of on Scafell Pike and the bloody thing wouldn't work.

You''re going at the wrong time.

I've been on plenty of hills where there's been far too much bloody electricity around for my liking ...

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Dont watch TV much anymore, whole weeks go by when i dont even watch it at all.

90% is crap, but i think i also miss out on the 10% that is probably very good.

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Has anyone else noticed that "get a life" is a contradiction in terms?

On the one hand, what the user means to say is "You do not measure up to high my standards so I hold you in contempt"

On the other hand, what the words actually say is "Be free to make your own choices".

No wonder the term is used exclusively by ambidextrous w4nkers.

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