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Dave Beans

The Funniest Joke At The Edinburgh Festival

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Guest theboltonfury

If I was there, no matter how much I'd had to drink, I would not have laughed at that gag.

I'm a miserable sod, but I find hardly any comedians 'funny'

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If I was there, no matter how much I'd had to drink, I would not have laughed at that gag.

I'm a miserable sod, but I find hardly any comedians 'funny'

Yep..and once they get on the voice-over advertising bandwagon, they lose all respect from me..I'm very surprised at Paul Merton (and Stephen Fry for that matter) doing Direct Line, and Dave Gorman doing Homebase - I thought they were slightly above all that. Sadly money talks..

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lol

some of these ones they called the worst jokes are way funnier than the ones they say are good (which are all rubbish)

• Frank Woodley - "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

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Oh, they all got a slight smile from me, but the only one that made me laugh was:

"Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

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I agree about the winner being the least funny of the 10.

I chuckled at the spa hotel one. So true.

That was my second favourite, as a regular hotel user, I appreciate that.

Hotels: My priorities in a hotel are:

Not getting ripped off.

Getting some sleep.

A good rewards programme

Clean, but not to the extent that there is bleach still on the bath which then flays the skin off my **** and leaves me in agony for the next fortnight.

And, if I am staying more than just 'sleep time', a kettle, a gym and a decent breakfast.

******ing bowls/pictures of pebbles dont even come in on the top 100.

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That was my second favourite, as a regular hotel user, I appreciate that.

Hotels: My priorities in a hotel are:

Not getting ripped off.

Getting some sleep.

A good rewards programme

Clean, but not to the extent that there is bleach still on the bath which then flays the skin off my **** and leaves me in agony for the next fortnight.

And, if I am staying more than just 'sleep time', a kettle, a gym and a decent breakfast.

******ing bowls/pictures of pebbles dont even come in on the top 100.

My hotel priority is that it costs a fortune and is full of people in suits. There's nothing like wandering into The Mandarin Oriental in NYC or the Pan Pac in Singapore in my Rambo T-Shirt and flip flops.

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My hotel priority is that it costs a fortune and is full of people in suits. There's nothing like wandering into The Mandarin Oriental in NYC or the Pan Pac in Singapore in my Rambo T-Shirt and flip flops.

That's nice, too, although it did once backfire on me slightly: In my line of work, I dress a bit more trendily than your average suit-guy when on duty (when off I dress like a skater-boy). So one morning I was going to breakfast in a trendy business hotel and had a suit grab my elbow and bark out his breakfast order as, apparently, he'd mistaken me for one of the staff. :(

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Guest theboltonfury
That was my second favourite, as a regular hotel user, I appreciate that.

Hotels: My priorities in a hotel are:

Not getting ripped off.

Getting some sleep.

A good rewards programme

Clean, but not to the extent that there is bleach still on the bath which then flays the skin off my **** and leaves me in agony for the next fortnight.

And, if I am staying more than just 'sleep time', a kettle, a gym and a decent breakfast.

******ing bowls/pictures of pebbles dont even come in on the top 100.

I'm usually quite happy to find no semen on the sheets. Anything else is a bonus.

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I'm usually quite happy to find no semen on the sheets. Anything else is a bonus.

No matter how much you've paid, there will be semen stains somewhere on the bedding. Best is not to think about it and not to go looking for them....

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Guest theboltonfury
No matter how much you've paid, there will be semen stains somewhere on the bedding. Best is not to think about it and not to go looking for them....

But when you find it on the phone, it's just not acceptable.

This happened once. I told myself it was a sneeze, but I knew deep down. Interesting call to make to reception

'Hi this room 230, there's some Harry on your phone. Can you send someone up?'

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But when you find it on the phone, it's just not acceptable.

This happened once. I told myself it was a sneeze, but I knew deep down. Interesting call to make to reception

'Hi this room 230, there's some Harry on your phone. Can you send someone up?'

I think I might have made a personal visit to reception rather than use that phone. ;)

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But when you find it on the phone, it's just not acceptable.

This happened once. I told myself it was a sneeze, but I knew deep down. Interesting call to make to reception

'Hi this room 230, there's some Harry on your phone. Can you send someone up?'

Women who won't swallow. Don't ya just hate 'em?

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Guest X-QUORK
I think I might have made a personal visit to reception rather than use that phone. ;)

Many years ago I had to do the odd guard duty at a missile compound in the middle of a German forest. We had half a dozen angry German Shepherd dogs and their keepers (usually old Polish guys for some reason) who used to patrol at night and call in from the many phone posts located around the place. A guy I knew used to derive sick thrills by leaving the earpieces of the phones dripping in his Harry.

Young fellows are disgusting specimens.

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Guest theboltonfury
Women who won't swallow. Don't ya just hate 'em?

:lol:

That's what the complimentary glass tumbler is for?

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That's nice, too, although it did once backfire on me slightly: In my line of work, I dress a bit more trendily than your average suit-guy when on duty (when off I dress like a skater-boy).

adams13.jpgoly_scottHamilton.jpg

Nice.

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'Hi this room 230, there's some Harry on your phone. Can you send someone up?'

Harry? The only harry that comes to mind is Harry Secombe, and I can't quite make the connection there.

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Guest X-QUORK
Harry? The only harry that comes to mind is Harry Secombe, and I can't quite make the connection there.

Harry Monk.

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