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pl1

Hairdresser Diversions

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I have to have my haircut tomorrow and I always recall reading about a man who when asked how he liked his haircut his reply was "In silence!". I prefer a chat-free, non-weather related, what are you doing this weekend, i'm really interested and not just after a tip blah blah haircut. Anybody else prefer this and if so is it best to explain it upfront?

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Why don't you DIY, get a shaver and do a quick once over on No2 or 3 blade, save yourself money too.

I'm not sure I would be confident enough for this direct approach.

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Use this as an opening line:

"Isn't it great that houses are becoming more affordable again?"

They will think you are a dangerous lunatic and not talk to you ;)

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I have to have my haircut tomorrow and I always recall reading about a man who when asked how he liked his haircut his reply was "In silence!". I prefer a chat-free, non-weather related, what are you doing this weekend, i'm really interested and not just after a tip blah blah haircut. Anybody else prefer this and if so is it best to explain it upfront?

When my dog is being too noisy I gently grab her snout, keeping her mouth shut, and say 'No!' sharply. Seems to do the trick. Of course then she sulks so I have to tickle her tummy.

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a) Grow it until it grows no more!

B) Wait for nature to take its course and go bald!

Though what D.C. said is genius - might use that one next time I get my bi-annual haircut. It really is strange to see the look on people's faces - saying you want house prices to drop is akin to saying you like little boys when you judge some people's reactions. Sheep.

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You could try the hypnotist Derren Brown's approach.

He writes that he was nearly mugged once, but managed to avert the mugging using this interesting technique.

The mugger said (I believe he had a knife) 'give me your wallet' - Derren said 'the wall outside my flat isn't 4 foot tall'; the mugger looked baffled and repeated 'give me your wallet' - Derren said in an annoyed tone of voice 'my bicycle isn't blue'. The mugger was flumoxed. After a few more rounds of this, the mugger actually burst into tears and apologised.

The technique is to give an answer so totally irrelevant to the asker, that the asker's brain gets fried.

Try it - I dare you!

I once had a similar 'conversation' with a bloke - to everything I said, regardless of what I said, he replied over and over again 'a bad workman always blames his tools'. In the end I just walked away!

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The technique is to give an answer so totally irrelevant to the asker, that the asker's brain gets fried.

Try it - I dare you!

I once had a similar 'conversation' with a bloke - to everything I said, regardless of what I said, he replied over and over again 'a bad workman always blames his tools'. In the end I just walked away!

Ever talked to Injin?

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Just tell them having your hair cut turns you on, and keep your hands under the cape thing. Remember to breath more heavily when they get the clippers out.

It works for me - my mum hates cutting my hair now!

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Hand them a note when you go in and write on it that sorry, but youve lost your voice.

So far, this is the best reply with one drawback. I usualy get my haircut at the same place, so it would be a DONUA (deploy once never use again) tactic, unless I drove round lot's of barbers. No; sorry, I shall keep this one for emergencies but require a more long-lasting solution.

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I'm not sure I would be confident enough for this direct approach.

What have you got to lose, hair grows back. Mr Eg has cut his own hair for years, well what he has left of it. I do my old dad's about every three weeks as he's unable to get to the barbers. He thinks it's great, it's free and takes me about ten minutes.

If yer 'aircut gows rong ware an 'at. :lol:

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Just respond to any questions with one word answers, they will soon get the message you don't want to get involved in a conversation.

Then again I have little idea if it will work as I have been to the barbers once in about 12 years, was such a hideous experience I never went back. I do it myself at home with clippers, vastly cheaper in the long run and can be done when and however I want it.

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Guest theboltonfury

To avoid this, I often allow a centimetre of testicle to show from the side of a tight fitting pair of running shorts.

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To avoid this, I often allow a centimetre of testicle to show from the side of a tight fitting pair of running shorts.

Im not sure some on here (excluding the girls) have a cm to show.

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Use the Ronnie Barker technique; firstly pretend you are rather hard of hearing.

Example, Barber says "What do think about that mountaineer who fell into an abyss?"

You grimace and say, "Gone for a what?"

Then when you do speak, you use Prof. Stanley Unwin's Unwineese.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2iD-oNqD_I

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Ok. I've got it.

You pretend you're (a non-English speaking) Pole.

Hello.

'Hello' will do. You can use 'Hey' (pronounced 'hay')

....then you could really confuse them by saying...

Identification please.

Written: Prosze dokumenty.

Pronounced: pro-she dau-qu-man-ti

If they try to reply, unleash your secret weapon by saying...

Do you mind if I search you?

This one is hard. In Polish in many cases you use a different word form depending on the person's sex (and different for children). This is one of such cases. I'd try to write something using neutral forms.

Written: Czy pozwolisz sie przeszukac?

Pronounced: chi po-zvo-lish she pshe-shoo-cach(softer)

At this point even if they're really pushy, you can finish off by saying....

Sorry not tonight.

Written: Przykro mi, nie dzis. (note to 'przykro mi' as above).

Pronounced: pshi-crau me, nee ch(softer)eesh(softer)

Got that? It's flawless.

Unless of course, they speak Polish.

Next. Russian.

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Guest theboltonfury
Im not sure some on here (excluding the girls) have a cm to show.

That 800m runner would have no problem.

I guess testicles are oval shaped, so it would depend upon which angle it had emerged from the shorts.

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Guest X-QUORK

See it as an opportunity to interact with another child of the stars in this short journey we call life.

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