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Fishman

Uk Gov't To Announce 'wife Scrappage' System

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Following the unprecedented success of the car scrappage system and the recent call for it to be extended

to certain household 'white goods', I've heard on the QT that the next stimulus package is going to be the

'Wife Scrappage' system.

The working title for this legislation is 'Bags for Cash'.

Husbands will be able to trade-in their old duffers for £1000.

On achieving single status again, men can then spend this money on buying new clothes, fine dining, expensive champagne, endless quantities of Spanish Fly, etc all in an attempt to recreate their younger courting days and of course, impress the ladies.

Demand is expected to be high.

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I doubt very much this will be a one way street. No doubt soon, the wife will become increasingly distant, pick up on many arbitrary faults then eventually, send round the man with the clipboard, tape measure and dumper truck to take me away.

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Is this a bailout of struggling divorce lawyers?

Or a bailout of latvia's strip joints (in anticipation of forethcoming stag nights)?

The Afghans have come up with a good wheeze...if the old girl doesn't put out you just whip away her Peshwari and rice until she sees sense.Personally I have the other problem..Mrs P is a whirling maelstrom of hormones these days.

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Great idea OP. Then men can indulge their weak-willed, undisciplined, self-indulgent habits; & hopefully disappear up their own orifices <_<

I had an agreement with my OH that I would control his eating so that he could lose some weight. The penalties were severe.

What do I find? - He has 'stolen' a whole packet of chocolate biscuits & two bars of chocolate, then lied about it.

At least he didn't try to talk (or fight) his way out of the punishment, as I'm sure some wimps would have, but he didn't believe I would do it.

Now he knows.

Men! - Finding a good one is tough. At least mine accepts when he is licked.

How timely that I received this sketch in an email this morning

3829567253_fc895fbe1b_o.jpg

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Fishman, you better pray that this drops off the leader board before Aunt Jess or Skinty sees it. :o

Out of fairness to everyone, the wife scrappage scheme will be extended to include lazy lager swilling husband scrappage, a gay partner redemption bonus, and in an inspired new policy, antique furniture can be scrapped in return for a B&Q voucher worth £5 per item for ready made melamine shelving, tables and chairs. Anyone found to be in ownership of priceless antiquities will be outcast, their antiques thrown on the fire, and forced to buy ex-MFI stock at premium prices.

The government welcomes further ideas for scrappage schemes from the public. Please submit here and they will be passed on.

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Great idea OP. Then men can indulge their weak-willed, undisciplined, self-indulgent habits; & hopefully disappear up their own orifices <_<

I had an agreement with my OH that I would control his eating so that he could lose some weight. The penalties were severe.

What do I find? - He has 'stolen' a whole packet of chocolate biscuits & two bars of chocolate, then lied about it.

At least he didn't try to talk (or fight) his way out of the punishment, as I'm sure some wimps would have, but he didn't believe I would do it.

Now he knows.

Men! - Finding a good one is tough. At least mine accepts when he is licked.

How timely that I received this sketch in an email this morning

3829567253_fc895fbe1b_o.jpg

I'd probably accept you licking me as well.

Edit : According to Rolf it's the done thing these days. (see Aneros thread in off-topic forum)

2nd Edit : On a day when I'm feeling brave (my wife doesn't read this forum) I might even suggest the OPs idea is superfluous, as there is already a thread on the subject of cash for domestic appliances.

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I'd probably accept you licking me as well.

:o

Such rudeness & arrogance beyond a bankster's bonus deserves an award :)

3829645657_fa1f7a55ed_o.jpg

Out of fairness to everyone, the wife scrappage scheme will be extended to include lazy lager swilling husband scrappage, a gay partner redemption bonus, and in an inspired new policy, antique furniture can be scrapped in return for a B&Q voucher worth £5 per item for ready made melamine shelving, tables and chairs. Anyone found to be in ownership of priceless antiquities will be outcast, their antiques thrown on the fire, and forced to buy ex-MFI stock at premium prices.

The government welcomes further ideas for scrappage schemes from the public. Please submit here and they will be passed on.

Some inspired ideas there VP :rolleyes:

I can see the tabloids now:-

"Chavs queue all month for the last ever black ash (effect) wardrobe."

"Chavette's voluntary incineration in her outmoded Sheraton wardrobe".

"I can't bear the shame of it" says Tracy Emin

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:o

Such rudeness & arrogance beyond a bankster's bonus deserves an award :)

3829645657_fa1f7a55ed_o.jpg

Was this what you did to hubbie for stealing the biscuits?

You shouldn't reward a dog when it's disobedient, he'll be 150kg before long.

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Was this what you did to hubbie for stealing the biscuits?

No; far too fiddly. I'm a traditionalist.

The part of the anatomy sticking out should give you a clue.

Though I'm sure you know really.......don't you g.e.? - Own up.

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No; far too fiddly. I'm a traditionalist.

The part of the anatomy sticking out should give you a clue.

Though I'm sure you know really.......don't you g.e.? - Own up.

If it involved that thing you're holding he's a braver man than me. Perhaps he won't be eating any more biscuits after all!

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