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Sledgehead

Tesco Cashing In On 'osterity'

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Here's a superficially paradoxical story: Tesco renting allotments to customers

I'm sure there must be a few out there thinking "what a bunch of numpties - they're canabalising their sales base!"

Not if you've any experience of the nu-gardeners. Like nu-labour, they bear only a passing resemblance to their former incarnation. Scratch the surface and these nu-gardeners are more ostentatious than austere - hence my term - osterity.

My Father, a keen gardener of 30 years, says you can spot them a mile off. These are the types that simply must have all the kit. So instead of actually growing stuff for free, they spend literally hundreds of pounds on stainless steel hand tools, petrol strimmers, rotovators, raised beds, netting, compost - you name it, and then, having bought all this costly shite, need a top-flight shed to secure it all.

That Tescos have sited these allotments next to their Dobies garden centres will tell you all you need to know about just how much money they are likely to 'lose' once you've deducted the odd lost carrot sale.

And if it sounds like they are sacrificing a long term income stream for the sake of a fast buck, never fear. My Father tells me that most vega-virgins give up within 12 months. Let's face it, once you've done all the shopping, actually putting in the hard labour and waiting months for results can be one hell of an anti-climax!

Edited by Sledgehead

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Here's a superficially paradoxical story: Tesco renting allotments to customers

I'm sure there must be a few out there thinking "what a bunch of numpties - they're canabalising their sales base!"

Not if you've any experience of the nu-gardeners. Like nu-labour, they bear only a passing resemblance to their former incarnation. Scratch the surface and these nu-gardeners are more ostentatious than austere - hence my term - osterity.

My Father, a keen gardener of 30 years, says you can spot them a mile off. These are the types that simply must have all the kit. So instead of actually growing stuff for free, they spend literally hundreds of pounds on stainless steel hand tools, petrol strimmers, rotovators, raised beds, netting, compost - you name it, and then, having bought all this costly shite, need a top-flight shed to secure it all.

That Tescos have sited these allotments next to their Dobies garden centres will tell you all you need to know about just how much money they are likely to 'lose' once you've deducted the odd lost carrot sale.

And if it sounds like they are sacrificing a long term income stream for the sake of a fast buck, never fear. My Father tells me that most vega-virgins give up within 12 months. Let's face it, once you've done all the shopping, actually putting in the hard labour and waiting months for results can be one hell of an anti-climax!

There's nothing like understanding your customer, is there!

Spot on. DIY is much the same.

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I think you wrong. This time people will have so much free time on their hands that they will actually start growing something. Either that or starve. The problem for Tesco is that while in the first year people may actually buy the kit and seeds by the second and third years people will be growing their own from saved seed and sharing tools. The only real issue is how much of the produce from these allotments gets nicked. All the gear and no idea will necessarily go out of the window in the new austerity.

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Slightly bizarre analysis.

I would have said that they've realised that they've over-extendend their land-bank, and are attempting to do something marginally profitable with it.

More PR value I would think. Though I agree with the OP that they won't have any trouble with long term users in fact I very much suspect they will be marketing this at "yummy mummys" (god I hate that phrase) rather than little old men with a genuine interest in horticulture.

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Guest DissipatedYouthIsValuable
AUSTERITY maybe?

"OSTERITY"???? : :unsure::blink::blink:

Osterity is when you're down to your arsebones.

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AUSTERITY maybe?

"OSTERITY"???? : :unsure::blink::blink:

You didn't read my piece did you eric, admit it. I coined the term "osterity". It's austerity for the ostentatious.

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Guest DissipatedYouthIsValuable
You didn't read my piece did you eric, admit it. I coined the term "osterity". It's austerity for the ostentatious.

And they tell the txtin generation off for abusing the language.

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The problem for Tesco is that while in the first year people may actually buy the kit and seeds by the second and third years people will be growing their own from saved seed and sharing tools.

Not my Father's experience, and he's seen a few.

I must admit to a heavy scepticism when anyone tells me about their new money saving idea that begins with relatively heavy capital expenditure. Like car scrappage. Or wind power. Or solar. maybe I'm just a dyed in the wool cynic ...

Edited by Sledgehead

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And they tell the txtin generation off for abusing the language.

I like my coined term. How dare you compare it to 'txtin'. I'm deeply hurt and shan't be consoled.

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I thought it was going to be something to with East Germany, like the term "Ostalgie" coined to sum up the nostalgia that some older Easterners ("Ossies") feel for life under the communists.

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I like my coined term. How dare you compare it to 'txtin'. I'm deeply hurt and shan't be consoled.

There there.

I hadn't read the other thread, but guessed your odd spelling was deliberate when I read your otherwise literate post.

So be consoled....

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Guest DissipatedYouthIsValuable
I thought it was going to be something to with East Germany, like the term "Ostalgie" coined to sum up the nostalgia that some older Easterners ("Ossies") feel for life under the communists.

"Before ve had ******ing MacDonalds"

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I think you wrong. This time people will have so much free time on their hands that they will actually start growing something. Either that or starve. The problem for Tesco is that while in the first year people may actually buy the kit and seeds by the second and third years people will be growing their own from saved seed and sharing tools. The only real issue is how much of the produce from these allotments gets nicked. All the gear and no idea will necessarily go out of the window in the new austerity.

i propose a machine gun nest on two corners on the allotment.

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