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tomandlu

Friday's Economics Lesson

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22 Economic Models Explained

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk

away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity

swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,

with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells

the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one

more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you

with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull..

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it

worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk

themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and

learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

One is mad and the other has had to be put in storage because of the health

and safety risks of milking it.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

THE HOUSE OF COMMONS ECONOMIC MODEL

You are an MP and have one cow.

Your boss says he can't give you a pay raise as it wouldn't go down well with the voters.

Instead he tells you to buy a second cow on credit and charge the interest to expenses,

then milk it for all it's worth.

You buy a moat to prevent it from escaping and put a floating duck house in the moat so

the cow has the company of wildlife.

You buy a three piece antique leather suite to sit on so you can be comfortable while

milking the cow and of course a 50" plasma TV and two DVD players.

Then you redecorate the cow.

All of which you claim on expenses.

Now you 'FLIP' your cows, and milk your original cow for all it's worth too.

This time you buy it several imitation Tudor oak beams, an Italian portico and a BBQ for those

fine summer evenings, oh plus a couple of porn videos and a bath plug.

Now you flip your cows again to avoid Capital Gains Tax, treat the secondary one as a cash cow, and sell it for a large

profit, pocketing all the money.

Continue claiming interest on the cost of the cow you sold 6 months earlier, then retire

on the very large pension the public have so kindly, if unknowingly, provided for you.

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These just keep getting sillier :lol:

Need to change one though:

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your

country.

You are dead, you still have no cows, your 2000 camels are now owned by an American multinational but you died free so it was worth it.

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LOCAL COUNCIL

You have two cows.

In the interests of equality you declare one to be a bull and instruct the other to hump it.

Central government supplies you with milk.

INSIDE TRACK

Your friend has two male Golden Retrievers.

You convince people to pay you money to demonstrate that the dogs are actually Jersey cows and well worth buying.

You leave with the cheque before your clients attempt milking.

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IRISH MARKET

You have two cows.

You ride one to market and hitch it outside the pub.

You forget you have a second cow and it wanders off next door,

where it is taken in as one of the family.

You don't drink milk, anyway.

SCOTTISH MARKET

You have two cows.

You are too mean to buy any fodder for them and one cow eats the other.

WELSH MARKET

You have two cows.

You slaughter one and feed it to your guest house occupants in Ystranllandinglais Guest House

(with views of the chemical plant in Haverfordwest).

You milk the other, make cheese and sell it on the internet. (Grynfachadullistinglystingrog Cheddar).

Unfortunately, no-one can spell Grynfachadullistinglystingrog and the website locks up repeatedly.

ENGLISH MARKET

You have two cows.

You do not know you have two cows because your butler keeps smelly things away from you.

The butler makes some pocket money selling milk to your own servants.

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