jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I just had one of my molars levered out of my skull. Not allowed to smoke. Not allowed to drink. Not allowed to eat. Not allowed to go for a walk Not allowed to cut the grass Not allowed to masturbate furiously TV is a pile of shit Cant sleep because I'm bleeding like a nunnery at the end of the month... AAARGGHH!! I'M BORED!!! You should see the hole thats left though... Its gruesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Skinty Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Go tidy your room then. Or play with the toys you got last Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Go tidy your room then. Or play with the toys you got last Christmas. I cant tidy my room. Not allowed to bend over (insert joke here). My "toys" for last Christmas were a bottle of Lagavulin and a bottle of a'bunadh..... I'm not allowed to drink. Next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worzel Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I just had one of my molars levered out of my skull.Not allowed to smoke. Not allowed to drink. Not allowed to eat. Not allowed to go for a walk Not allowed to cut the grass Not allowed to masturbate furiously TV is a pile of shit Cant sleep because I'm bleeding like a nunnery at the end of the month... AAARGGHH!! I'M BORED!!! You should see the hole thats left though... Its gruesome! How long have you got to put up with this? Can you inject? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 How long have you got to put up with this? Can you inject? I tried smoking through my nostril.... not advised.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I cant tidy my room. Not allowed to bend over (insert joke here).My "toys" for last Christmas were a bottle of Lagavulin and a bottle of a'bunadh..... I'm not allowed to drink. Next? Surely you can knock one out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Surely you can knock one out? I'm not allowed to do any excercise, and I'm afraid my automated masturbation devices are all out of batteries. Edit - besides, I rubbed one out just before I went to the dentists... forward planning eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'm not allowed to do any excercise, and I'm afraid my automated masturbation devices are all out of batteries.Edit - besides, I rubbed one out just before I went to the dentists... forward planning eh? I read a magazine article recently that suggested that number one on the list of things men do when their partners say they are going out, is immediately start planning a hand party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 I read a magazine article recently that suggested that number one on the list of things men do when their partners say they are going out, is immediately start planning a hand party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Elsewhere in the top 10 was trying on their partners knickers. Strange survey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Skinty Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 My "toys" for last Christmas were a bottle of Lagavulin and a bottle of a'bunadh..... I'm not allowed to drink. Lagavulin. I treated myself to this one Christmas. It ended up in a bucket. Not because it was bad but because it was far too good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Skinty Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Edit - besides, I rubbed one out just before I went to the dentists... forward planning eh? Didn't the receptionist notice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moo Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Elsewhere in the top 10 was trying on their partners knickers. Strange survey. Dare I ask which magazine this was? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Elsewhere in the top 10 was trying on their partners knickers. Strange survey. They dont fit, mainly due to the difference in size of the front size of our respective bums.... Bra fits quite well though... just stuff it with a few socks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Lagavulin. I treated myself to this one Christmas. It ended up in a bucket. Not because it was bad but because it was far too good. Too expensive for me to drink too much of.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonewer Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Didn't the receptionist notice? Thanks, that cheered me up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Dare I ask which magazine this was? One of the mens mags on the table when I was at the hairdresser. Maxim, I think. I suspect it was made up like most of the drivel in these mags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Right Here Now Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I cant tidy my room. Not allowed to bend over (insert joke here).My "toys" for last Christmas were a bottle of Lagavulin and a bottle of a'bunadh..... I'm not allowed to drink. Next? Ahh an Islay man. Wonderful stuff. I would ignore all that dentist twaddle. You were no doubt asked to garggle. I would use the wonderful liquids you have at hand and garggle with them, but forget to spit out. After a few garggles you will have forgotten all the other advice taken a few pain killers and start feeling a lot better and not so bored. Okay perhaps unconscious, but not bored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Loblaw Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I read a magazine article recently that suggested that number one on the list of things men do when their partners say they are going out, is immediately start planning a hand party. Little known fact: Whats the most sensitive part of your body whilst masturbating? Your ears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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