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England To Be Scrapped

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Guest Skinty

Gordon Brown, current Prime Minister of England, stated today at a press conference that his country was no longer viable in its role as the world's parasite.

"Our traditional methods are no longer viable in tomorrow's global economy. We have some difficult decisions to make about our role in the next decade. "

"The time has come to admit that we were lucky to have been able to use such large coal reserves to power the industrial revolution and to sponge off one quarter of the world's population. We were even luckier to have been able to use bored highlanders as cannon fodder in order to achieve this. We repayed our debt to them by selling their oil for them. Once this ran out, we built London to become one of the global centres of finance."

The Prime Minister then shocked the attending journalists by announcing that the cash cow known as global finance was now exhausted as the government's think tank of mathematicians, pscyhologists and financial engineers had failed to come up with new any ponzi schemes.

"We had assumed that Africa would be our next host. The idea was to first hire all their nurses and doctors and then to export our own packaged services back to them. Unfortunately all their families came over as well and all our money is now being sent back to their homes."

"I believe that a successful leader has to be able to make difficult decisions. So I am announcing today that England is to start producing something that the rest of the world actually wants and needs."

The Prime Minister refused to answer questions as to what this could possibly be.

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Guest anorthosite
Gordon Brown, current Prime Minister of England, stated today at a press conference that his country was no longer viable in its role as the world's parasite.

"Our traditional methods are no longer viable in tomorrow's global economy. We have some difficult decisions to make about our role in the next decade. "

"The time has come to admit that we were lucky to have been able to use such large coal reserves to power the industrial revolution and to sponge off one quarter of the world's population. We were even luckier to have been able to use bored highlanders as cannon fodder in order to achieve this. We repayed our debt to them by selling their oil for them. Once this ran out, we built London to become one of the global centres of finance."

The Prime Minister then shocked the attending journalists by announcing that the cash cow known as global finance was now exhausted as the government's think tank of mathematicians, pscyhologists and financial engineers had failed to come up with new any ponzi schemes.

"We had assumed that Africa would be our next host. The idea was to first hire all their nurses and doctors and then to export our own packaged services back to them. Unfortunately all their families came over as well and all our money is now being sent back to their homes."

"I believe that a successful leader has to be able to make difficult decisions. So I am announcing today that England is to start producing something that the rest of the world actually wants and needs."

The Prime Minister refused to answer questions as to what this could possibly be.

And in a shock admission of honesty Gordon Brown added "To be frank, we knew our role as the world's parasite was over when Belgium came up with the whole EU concept. That was sheer genius."

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Gordon Brown, current Prime Minister of England, stated today at a press conference that his country was no longer viable in its role as the world's parasite.

"Our traditional methods are no longer viable in tomorrow's global economy. We have some difficult decisions to make about our role in the next decade. "

"The time has come to admit that we were lucky to have been able to use such large coal reserves to power the industrial revolution and to sponge off one quarter of the world's population. We were even luckier to have been able to use bored highlanders as cannon fodder in order to achieve this. We repayed our debt to them by selling their oil for them. Once this ran out, we built London to become one of the global centres of finance."

The Prime Minister then shocked the attending journalists by announcing that the cash cow known as global finance was now exhausted as the government's think tank of mathematicians, pscyhologists and financial engineers had failed to come up with new any ponzi schemes.

"We had assumed that Africa would be our next host. The idea was to first hire all their nurses and doctors and then to export our own packaged services back to them. Unfortunately all their families came over as well and all our money is now being sent back to their homes."

"I believe that a successful leader has to be able to make difficult decisions. So I am announcing today that England is to start producing something that the rest of the world actually wants and needs."

The Prime Minister refused to answer questions as to what this could possibly be.

lol you should write for The Daily Mash!

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  • 406 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?


      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%



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