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Bankers Now Taking Your Actual Soul As Collateral

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Latvian Banker Taking Souls as Collateral

Topics:European Union | Debt | Credit | Eastern Europe | Russia | Banking

By: Reuters | 03 Jul 2009 | 08:45 AM ET

Ready to give your soul for a loan in these difficult economic times? In Latvia, where the crisis has raged more than in the rest of the European Union, you can.

Such a deal is being offered by the Kontora loan company, whose public face is Viktor Mirosiichenko, 34.

Clients have to sign a contract, with the words "Agreement" in bold letters at the top. The client agrees to the collateral, "that is, my immortal soul".

Mirosiichenko said his company would not employ debt collectors to get its money back if people refused to repay, and promised no physical violence.

Signatories only have to give their first name and do not show any documents.

"If they don't give it back, what can you do? They won't have a soul, that's all," he told Reuters in a basement office, with one desk, a computer and three chairs.

Wearing sunglasses, a black suit and a white shirt with the words "Kontora" (office) emblazoned on it, he reaches into his pocket and lays out a sheaf of notes on the table to show that the business is serious and not a joke.

Latvia has been the EU nation worst hit by economic crisis. Unemployment is soaring and banks have sharply reduced their lending, meaning that small companies offering easy loans in small amounts have become more popular.

Mirosiichenko said his company was basically trusting people to repay the small amounts they borrowed, which has so far been up to 250 lats ($500) for between 1 and 90 days at a hefty interest rate.

He said about 200 people had taken out loans over the two months the business was in operation.

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BANKERS are planning to post every blind child in the UK a poisonous tropical spider in a bid to reclaim their position as Britain's purest form of scum.

In recent weeks the banking industry has watched helplessly as MPs took their place in the nation's hearts as the group they would most like to string up from a lamp-post or a sturdy local tree.

But now, under a plan entitled Taking It To the Next Level, bankers have plotted a sustained campaign which they insist will underline their status as the country's foremost purveyors of utter bastardry.

The spider plan, to be launched next week, will see the distribution of thousands of cat-sized arachnids, specially trained to scurry straight up a child's arm and bite it on the face.

The spiders will be sent out in pleasantly-textured boxes with the words 'chocolate buttons' written on the front in Braille.

A spokesman for Lloyds TSB said: "You, the snivelling public, with your obsession with trifling political sleaze and vibrating chairs, had almost forgotten us hadn't you? Big, fat, ******ing mistake.

"By the time we're finished with you, destroying your pensions and drowning the nation in debt will seem like a quaint, 1950s tea dance."

He added: "I just wish we could be there when they open the box."

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  • 407 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?

      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%

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