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Brown Surprises Mackerel Merchant

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He said cashflow.

Maybe expand the QE or one of the other money pumping programmes to include lending against AAA rated Kippers.

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I can't plaice this somehow. They do say still rivers run deep. I suppose it depends on the scale of things.

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"I would like to hear from you what the government are doing to help family businesses during the recession.

"I can assure you we're getting no help whatsoever."

As it should be. Gu'mint should but the fʉck out of business.

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I wish people would stop carping on. I bet Alex Salmon would not behave like this. We need to get in the swim and move away from these sharks. I suspect though we have fallen for this hook line and sinker.

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Imagine, you're filleting a turbot's head, and you look up to see Broon grinning at you...

Is no workplace safe?

What sort of reception would he get at yours?

The Daily Mash


PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

Officials said there was an immediate danger of a prime ministerial visit if they spoke to him on a radio show, but also warned Mr Brown could simply be listening to the radio, hear someone he likes the sound of and then call them up and ask if they would like to be his friend.

The alarm was raised after the prime minister spoke to members of the public on a phone-in show on BBC Yorkshire before appearing unannounced at a shop in Leeds with a box of luxury biscuits and two tickets to Jersey Boys.

Greengrocer Bill McKay said: "My wife phoned the show to ask Mr Brown what he was doing to help small businesses. Two hours later the ******er's standing in front of me asking me what my hobbies are.

"He was so boring and pathetic and I kept trying to get rid of him. Eventually I had to pretend it was early closing and I had an appointment to get my legs waxed. Anyway, we're going to see Jersey Boys with him next weekend."

Mr Brown spoke to Mr McKay for an hour insisting the government was increasing public spending by 15,000% a year for the next 2000 years, while the Downing Street psychiatrist stood behind him shaking his head and mouthing, 'just ignore him, I'll deal with it later'.

Mr Brown also tried to strike up a conversation with butcher Stephen Malley. Mr Malley said: "I was like 'no way, I'm not having this', and he was like 'what are your hobbies?', and I was like 'out - now'."

A Downing Street spokesman said: "With Peter Mandelson doing the actual governing the prime minister is now able to spend a lot more time with his friends. Which creates an obvious problem.

"If he can't find any friends via the radio I suspect he'll just start phoning up some of the exhibits from the Jeremy Kyle Show and offering to help turn their lives around. But you know what they're like, they'll just take advantage of him. It's all so terribly sad."

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  • 406 Brexit, House prices and Summer 2020

    1. 1. Including the effects Brexit, where do you think average UK house prices will be relative to now in June 2020?

      • down 5% +
      • down 2.5%
      • Even
      • up 2.5%
      • up 5%

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