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juvenal

Chav's Cars. How Do You Recognise Them?

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I'm not well up on motors. I want to be a Chav.

Advice please

If you purchased a Ford fiesta 1995 the you can became a chav, good for you dont be ashamed of being a chav, i respect you for being so open.

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If you purchased a Ford fiesta 1995 the you can became a chav, good for you dont be ashamed of being a chav, i respect you for being so open.

That's a granny car. Your chav knowledge needs working on ajay.

A chav mobile is ANY car that

  • Sounds like a Rugby team's guts the morning after

  • Has blacked out windows

  • Has blue LEDs that dazzle you (C*nts - how they are legal I do not know)

  • Looks like a 1980's Transformer

  • Is a Citroen Saxo.

  • Has music blaring out louder than your local roller disco

There are more tell tale signs.

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That's a granny car. Your chav knowledge needs working on ajay.

A chav mobile is ANY car that

  • Sounds like a Rugby team's guts the morning after

  • Has blacked out windows

  • Has blue LEDs that dazzle you (C*nts - how they are legal I do not know)

  • Looks like a 1980's Transformer

  • Is a Citroen Saxo.

  • Has music blaring out louder than your local roller disco

There are more tell tale signs.[/quote]

C'mon then. Let's hear about those signs. Can you judge if a chav family has moved in by the car outside the house?

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non OEM alloys - especially anything by Fox. Chromed wheels. Anything by Projekt Kahn - this probably also easily pinpoints the local dealer.

Non-working seatbelts - even on a new car - because they never wear them

a shopping list on the front door (of parts they've never fitted).

they have started fitting Nurburgring stickers, even though the furthest they've been is the Ring Road.

sitting like an orangutan hanging from a tyre with their chin resting on the steering wheel whilst their seat back is almost horizontal

pimpdows - but not well done ones, ones with bubbles in them because they paid Daz to fit them.

any sort of message in the back window, see "Mission Aborted, gone for a spliff", Why drive when you can fly and that sort of shtie.

Any Quiksilver limited edition Peugeot - utter utter chavdom.

council estate eyebrow running lights that are not fitted by the manufacturer

stupid blue bulbs on their non-xenon headlamps

replacement DTM door mirrors (on a 1.0 Saxo)

stupid upturned DTM exhaust, complete with melted or hacksawed bumper to fit it.

any kind of lowered supsension where they only chopped the springs, but did nothing with the shocks so it bounces along

any pink car (other than the Honda Jazz or the Breast Cancer Micra CC)

anyone who thinks their cheap Jap import is a 'driftmobile;.

anything where they have slid McDonalds trays under the back wheels and gone handbraking and posted the results on youtube

anything other than a Lexus with 'Lexus lights' (you know the ones, those garish replacement rear lights that mean you can't see whether they are braking)

any car painted matt black or with a matt black bonnet

any car with darkened rear lights so you can't see their brake lights

a rusty old Frontera LWB, blowing smoke and with a horrendous nonmatching door - that is almost certainly a fat chav as they can't fit in anything else.

a Calibra (unless it's a collectors' Turbo 4X4 that still works)

that's a start

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C'mon then. Let's hear about those signs. Can you judge if a chav family has moved in by the car outside the house?[/i]

Ford Mondeo Edge, 2002 with no wheel trim so pre facelift and secondhand, petrol would

mean a normal person, late model BMW post facelift would mean Chav. It's simple really.

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Yep,usually Saxos. A few Corsas too; one down the road is black with huge white Playboy stickers on. *vomit* Corsas used to belong to librarians a few years ago. :blink: Lots of Range Rovers driven by shaved chimpanzees round here too.(Oh,and anything with an Irish number plate saying 'MAZ', 'DAZ' or 'KAZ' that isn't on a coach.)

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I haven't been on it for a while (until just now)..but have a look at www.barryboys.co.uk

Look at this corker. This won "Shed of the Year 2008"

c3e8b12052e04440f06fba85b3ec703b.jpg

...and this is truly amazing (I believe its supposed to be a Metro 6R4)

610b6efd5a0754a89db05f9897aad07e.jpg

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Ford Mondeo Edge, 2002 with no wheel trim so pre facelift and secondhand, petrol would

mean a normal person, late model BMW post facelift would mean Chav. It's simple really.

Don't be fooled. We used to live next door to a chav who had one of these, one who was trying to pretend he wasn't one :lol:

He couldn't help himself, eventually the cheap alloys were added, then copious England flag stickers, a mickey mouse aerial end thingy, a 'show plate' (Italic font, RS Cosworth in the background, Man U logo, and a picture of Eeyore :blink:) and various cuddly things dangling from the rear-view mirror.

We did chuckle when the original numberplate reappeared.

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If it has a wing on the back, it's a chav car. The bigger the wing, the bigger the chav. Double points for "after market" wings.

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If it has a wing on the back, it's a chav car. The bigger the wing, the bigger the chav. Double points for "after market" wings.

We refer to them as picnic tables.These people eventually turn up and want to trade them in.They are invariably indignant when you tell them that all the trouble and expense that they have gone to on the chavisation of their cars has actually rendered them worthless.I direct them to the scrapyard down the road with the happy advice that "John the gyppo will give you seventy quid".

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I always have a 'reality check' when renewing my insurance and they ask me have i done any modifications to the car..... Now, they know I am a mid-40's Dr working for a pharma company, driving an auto Toyota Corolla who has never had an accident: Are they wanting me to tell them about the tyres and battery from Kwik Fit? The airfreshener to cover the smell of kiddievomit? What?

That said, you dont have to 'Mod' a cheap car to be a chav: X3s and X5s? Chav cars. Those grotesque German soft roaders from Audi, Porsche et al? Ultra chav cars. Rnage Rover (unless you're a farmer)? Chav to the core.

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Look at this corker. This won "Shed of the Year 2008"

c3e8b12052e04440f06fba85b3ec703b.jpg

That looks like a very poor 80s kit-car.

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That looks like a very poor 80s kit-car.

I think there is a Scirroco under all that PVC and fibreglass, or is it one of those Audi coupes?

Either way, the sort of car that classic car buffs might have paid good money for..... if it hadnt been ******ed up like that.

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I always have a 'reality check' when renewing my insurance and they ask me have i done any modifications to the car..... Now, they know I am a mid-40's Dr working for a pharma company, driving an auto Toyota Corolla who has never had an accident: Are they wanting me to tell them about the tyres and battery from Kwik Fit? The airfreshener to cover the smell of kiddievomit? What?

That said, you dont have to 'Mod' a cheap car to be a chav: X3s and X5s? Chav cars. Those grotesque German soft roaders from Audi, Porsche et al? Ultra chav cars. Rnage Rover (unless you're a farmer)? Chav to the core.

The "IS it modified?" question is a cracker. I recently sold a Y reg Fiat Punto to a lad,standard car but had normal sized alloy wheels.Naturally the plank told them and they said they wouldn't cover him.We just swapped them with the standard ones on a P reg nail of the same type and they were happy.He came in last week and had added big silver tail lights and chrome wiper arms.I do hope he told Mr Revival or whatever he calls himself these days.

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I always have a 'reality check' when renewing my insurance and they ask me have i done any modifications to the car..... Now, they know I am a mid-40's Dr working for a pharma company, driving an auto Toyota Corolla who has never had an accident: Are they wanting me to tell them about the tyres and battery from Kwik Fit? The airfreshener to cover the smell of kiddievomit? What?

That said, you dont have to 'Mod' a cheap car to be a chav: X3s and X5s? Chav cars. Those grotesque German soft roaders from Audi, Porsche et al? Ultra chav cars. Rnage Rover (unless you're a farmer)? Chav to the core.

no, they're not. If you have two kids etc. and you need one car that does it all and you want a higher driving position, what's wrong with an X5 or even a Q5. Have you actually driven a Cayenne. To do a very long journey with all the kids crap it's superb. And they take up the same road room as their saloon counterparts - the new X5 3.0d even nudges towards 40mpg on a long motorway run if you are gentle on the throttle. Even a bloated 3.0tdi Q7 can manage 35mpg driven the right way.

I think a lot of the animosity towards the cars is part jealousy - they are technically excellent - yes, there are some utter Kevins with them, but mostly it's jealousy.

The Range Rover is an absolutely superb tool (and the driver may be too), if a bit thirsty - take one on an off road driving day then tell me it's not bloody brilliant. Then drive home in absolute comfort in it.

[i have bought an auto Corolla - the automotive equivalent of a washing machine - it will not break, but it tells the world you don't like driving..... :) ]

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no, they're not. If you have two kids etc. and you need one car that does it all and you want a higher driving position, what's wrong with an X5 or even a Q5. Have you actually driven a Cayenne. To do a very long journey with all the kids crap it's superb. And they take up the same road room as their saloon counterparts - the new X5 3.0d even nudges towards 40mpg on a long motorway run if you are gentle on the throttle. Even a bloated 3.0tdi Q7 can manage 35mpg driven the right way.

I think a lot of the animosity towards the cars is part jealousy - they are technically excellent - yes, there are some utter Kevins with them, but mostly it's jealousy.

The Range Rover is an absolutely superb tool (and the driver may be too), if a bit thirsty - take one on an off road driving day then tell me it's not bloody brilliant. Then drive home in absolute comfort in it.

[i have bought an auto Corolla - the automotive equivalent of a washing machine - it will not break, but it tells the world you don't like driving..... :) ]

I could buy one cash today. I'm not jealous.

Yes, I'm sure they're technically excellent blah blah blah. Doesnt stop them being chav mobiles.

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I could buy one cash today. I'm not jealous.

Yes, I'm sure they're technically excellent blah blah blah. Doesnt stop them being chav mobiles.

How did I just know you'd have to say you can afford one tomorrow - talking about your wealth is an absolute indication of chav vulgarity (even if you do it on an inverted basis) :)

I don't disagree there are a lot of nobbers in them, but I can say exactly the same about most cars - especially gobby teenage innits in their mother's Corolla pretending they are Carlos Sainz in housing estates..... the problem for the offroaders and softroaders is that they are more visible and the jealousy angle pervades too - and that's before all the environmental claptrap from people who just don't get it. [a typical offroader will last 20 plus years, the government is paying us (well, they're not, but they are pretending they are) to scrap 10 year old cars..... - a 1992 Landcruiser 3.0 diesel is far more environmentally friendly than buying a new Prius....]

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I could buy one cash today. I'm not jealous.

Yes, I'm sure they're technically excellent blah blah blah. Doesnt stop them being chav mobiles.

Mrs P has a current model SLK (Even though I may be found the wheel of a 165k Volvo S70 or some such piece of junk that happens to have a tax disc on it) so I don't think the envy argument stands up here either.I don't rate 4x4's at all. Like the SLK it's a fashion accessory.

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Mrs P has a current model SLK (Even though I may be found the wheel of a 165k Volvo S70 or some such piece of junk that happens to have a tax disc on it) so I don't think the envy argument stands up here either.I don't rate 4x4's at all. Like the SLK it's a fashion accessory.
If it's got wheels, I'll drive it. My favourite drive this year has actually been in an LDV van ! A 4X4 CAN be a fashion accessory, but it doesn't need to be. Last year the missus had an Audi A4 cab - now that was a piece of automotive jewellery, solid, stolid and slow. She now has a Golf GTI - that's much more of a driver's car. No-one's commented on the Golf being flash, but it cost more than the Audi did - and everyone commented on that as a flash motor, same with the Porsches - you get middle management types in their 325D trying to take your front bumper off as they swipe across you and they JUST HAVE TO prove their diesel will overtake a Porsche and then cut you up badly - just because it's a Porsche.

I currently drive a Saab diesel - it's crap to properly drive, but it's a genuine 50mpg plus overall car that will do 135mph (it's had a remap) when needed, has plenty of grip, a settled motorway ride, amazing stability in cross winds and has fantastically comfortable seats - it's 4 years old now but I genuinely don't care if it gets dented - which is a rarity for me.

My biggest problem with 4X4s is simple physics, when you are really pressing on, above 90mph their economy takes and absolute hammering, but that's what happens when you make a barn door go so fast.

I would say the X6 is a complete bell end's car though - I just don't get the point of it..... - a great technical exercise, but why would you buy one unless you wanted to show the world you can afford one...... - an X5 is just as quick, a 530D is a better drive, a 3 series has as much space, the offroad ability is identical to an X5, so why ? Because of how it looks, which is not, for me, a reason to buy any car - if the ssangyong Rodius drove well, I'd think about buying one..... - and anyone who chooses on looks for their car is a bit of a chav....... - because they care more about what other people think when they see them in it, rather than what it's like to be in.....

as for wings on the back, the Escort and Sierra Cosworths are supposed to have a wing - I'd agree a car with a wing that does not do anything is chav, but many of the cars with blatant wings (as standard) are there for a very good reason.

If you want a chav car - being a car that's been ruined by chavs, the Subaru Impreza - an absolutely superb car in 1993 when launched - totally anonymous really - now destroyed as the wheels of a man with multiple tattoos and a girlfriend with more STDs than piercings (the older ones) or an IT geek who still lives with his mum (and who used to have a Civic Type R) (newer ones).

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