Frank Hovis Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford : Dear Mrs. ***********, Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme. 11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels. 12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least: 14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.' Edit: oh dear, I put "Tesco's" in the title. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest theboltonfury Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shoppingThis letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford : Dear Mrs. ***********, Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove. 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme. 11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels. 12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least: 14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.' Edit: oh dear, I put "Tesco's" in the title. an old'un but a good'un Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Hovis Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 an old'un but a good'un A new one to me, I enjoyed it (and it goes without saying it's not genuine). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godless Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 A new one to me, I enjoyed it (and it goes without saying it's not genuine). I will be soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eightiesgirly Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Blimey, I'll have to tell Mr eightiesgirly, he just sits on one of the chairs with his PSP. He needs to get lively!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lotus eater Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Blimey, I'll have to tell Mr eightiesgirly, he just sits on one of the chairs with his PSP. He needs to get lively!! Mr linda@sjn always goes to what he calls, the creche...the wine aisles. Never buys anything practical, like food Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepless Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I like to ask the assisstants if there are cans of dog food with a picture on it that looks like my dog. Its amazing how helpful they are and how seriously they take you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krackersdave Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Damn - I need to raise my game. You guys are far more original than me - I just wander around in the wifes wake, mentally scoring women out of ten... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Melchett Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 I do the shopping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eightiesgirly Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Damn - I need to raise my game. You guys are far more original than me - I just wander around in the wifes wake, mentally scoring women out of ten... Oooh, if Mr eg did that he'd get a swift slap in the trossachs. And if you ask me how I'd know? Trust me I'D KNOW!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTD Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 The American version has Wal-Mart in the title and reads slightly differently, so definitely a work of fiction; either that or true in one continent and modified for the other(s)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinker Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Oooh, if Mr eg did that he'd get a swift slap in the trossachs. And if you ask me how I'd know? Trust me I'D KNOW!!! I can believe that, there is a sort of sixth sense that women have. Maybe it's the eyes on stalks and the drooping tongue that gives it away. And what is it about the female mind that can store, retrieve and use against men something inconsequential said or done at any time during he previous decade. Fellas stand no chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Miyagi Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Damn - I need to raise my game. You guys are far more original than me - I just wander around in the wifes wake, mentally scoring women out of ten... You are not alone in that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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