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There Was An Englishman, An Irishman And A Scotsman

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The Scotsman said 'I'm all broken up' http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2009/ma...uilding-society

The Irishman said 'Me too, I blame the Poles' http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/loc...e-14247579.html

The Englishman said 'No-one is broken, it's not the Poles fault, and would you like another loan to tide you over, matey'


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I have a very old one for you:

An Englishman, an IrishMan and a Scotsman are arrested in Bagdad at the height of Saddam Hussein´s reign of terror.

They are brought into Saddam´s palace where he tells them they have been sentenced to death. He offers them a reprieve if they can beat him in a race across Bagdad in any one of the classic cars in his garage.

The Scotsman is the first one to the garage he asks for a Ferrari Testarossa. Surely the fastest car of the collection. He starts off like a shot and laughs as he sees Saddam in his rearview mirror. But Bagdad is full of secret tunnels and at the finishline the Scotsman is dismayed to see Saddam is already there.

The Englishman enters the garage and sees a Jaguar that takes his fancy. You cannot beat the reliability of English engineering he boasts. He also starts off like a shot and grins smugly when he sees Saddam trailing in his wake. But once again the Englishman is horrified when he reaches the finish line and sees Saddam is already there.

Finally the Irishman enters the garage has a good look around, he sees a lamborghini and shakes his head, there is a Ford Mustang there....also no good. He turns around to Saddam and says `would ye be having a couple of springs and a duck in your palace`. Saddam looking slightly confused calls for a servant and provide the Irishman with everthing he requested.

At the Startline Saddam who had been driving a Porche, shoots off like a bullet, sees the Irishman in the mirror and thinks what a crazy idiot. However he reached the finish line only to be flabber gasted when he sees the Irishman there ahead of him. How did you do it.....there is no way you could have beaten me..shouts Saddam.

Ahh says the Irishman but I used the Vorsprung durch Technik `...

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Ahh says the Irishman but I used the Vorsprung durch Technik `...

Probably an even older one. from the hpc Joke of the Day page ...


A man goes to see a prostitute -

Man - 'How much do you charge if what I like is a bit kinky luv ?'

Pro- '£500 and you can do almost anything within reason, but tell me what you want as we go along.'

Man - 'Fine, heres the money, now can you strip off, get down on your hands and knees. (she obliges )

Please now place these 2 coiled springs, one under each knee. Then place another 2, one under each hand.'

The prostitute looks a bit puzzled, but obliges him again.

Man: 'Now finally, can you just put this duck whistle in your mouth'

With an even more puzzled look the pro does so.

The man then has the most passionate sex with the pro. In her many years of whoring, she has never experienced such great sex and proceeds to have multiple orgasms.

They finish, and exhausted in a state of ecstasy, the pro says 'I can't believe how wonderful that was, how did you take me to such heights !!??





'Four Sprung Duck Technique!'

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