Sgt Hartman

Politicised celebrities. Entertain me then piss off. Easiest job description in the world.

Little old ladies in supermarkets. Now I have nothing against little old ladies in general but something happens to them when they are handed a shopping trolley. They go from that lovely Betty who lives at no. 4 to SS-Hauptsturmführer in the amount of time it takes to get from the frozen section to dairy. The second they have the handles it's like it's a f*cking weapon to sweep you out of the way of the asparagus or bunt you head first into the frozen peas. Either that or they are mercilessly clipping your heels as you walk tutting as if they weren't aiming for your shins in the first place. If it's not direct assault it's an ambush as they leave trollies blocking the aisle while they check out the deals on prunes or panzerfausts or whatever else takes up twenty minutes of everyone's time or causes you to divert four aisles out of the way for bog-roll. After the supermarket has been laid waste they bimble out, collect their pound from their personal machine of death and feck off as if butter wouldn't melt. "Ohh, looking like a lovely day isn't it dear?" Boils my piss.