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Everything posted by Jester

  1. Good post thank you. This is exactly what I've been talking about.
  2. My posts aren't negative either. Just because I'm talking about divorce it doesn't mean that they're negative.
  3. This is a situation that I am speaking of. Why would you want to have a dinner with your Mum and Dad at the same time when they don't want to do that? I don't know what happened in your parents relationship but they should be free to choose who they have dinner with. If they want to have dinner with you that's great. If they don't that's great also. You need to stop being the victim. I would love to have a dinner with my children and their father but it just isn't going to happen and so we've had to move on. I refuse to be a victim and my children feel the same because I've brought them up that way. I understand fully what you would have liked for your life. And I respect your feelings too. But you can't control anyone - no not even your parents. If you have children now or in the future you can set yourself a target of being a better parent. Good luck to you. I apologise if you feel that I lecture I really don't intend that. I intend to share my life experiences in the hope that they may help others.
  4. Well if we didn't the only other option would be to slit our wrists. We have to grasp for the positives in what is an extremely negative situation over which we have no control.
  5. Your life was exactly as I would describe for me 5 years ago and then some very exciting person promised my ex all sorts of wonderful things. Sadly he fell for it. I was shocked that he did but he did. Then he followed her instructions. She didn't care about our children and he jumped through all of her hoops. When she had finished playing with him she left him. It's a sad story but a true one. And If it could happen to me it could happen to anyone. Good luck to you.
  6. Oh yes you are perfectly correct. What I was meaning was that the children have learned to deal with a very difficult situation in their lives at a young age - which will help them deal with difficult situations in the future. I believe that by me reacting in a sensible way has helped them to be balanced.
  7. I think that you may have had a bad experience. In my case my ex didn't want contact with his kids. He saw them as expensive. He moved away to get away from them. I asked the courts to make him see more of them. I was told that no one can be made to be a parent. Having said that I think that my kids were lucky to not have the pressure of travelling every week to spend 50% of their time with their father. He chose to move away not them.
  8. Yes I agree kids need their father but my kids father is very selfish and manipulative. Also I think spending 50% of their time in one place and 50% of their time somewhere else is restrictive for the children. I'm a teacher and I see the effects of that. My kids had 100% of their time with me and I think that they benefited enormously from this arrangement. I would have loved some free time I can promise you. It certainly wasn't the best thing for me. Sadly it wasn't an option for them to stay with their father. He sees them about three times a year. I would have liked them/him to see more of each other. I think parents think too much of themselves in divorce and not enough of the children. Sadly kids cannot be cut in half it's just not possible.
  9. Congratulations and good luck! Keep on keeping on.
  10. Good luck to you. It sounds to me as though you have a positive attitude. Learn from our mistakes.
  11. no not at all. In fact I'm a very quiet woman. Atypical actually I don't like to talk much. I never chat on the phone to anyone - thank goodness for texts. I don't like shopping. I enjoy walking in the countryside. music and sport. I don't argue I tend to give way. Some people describe me as a doormat. I have three very supportive children who worship the ground that I walk on for some strange reason. They remain living with me as we have a happy home. Very little makes me angry but I do find people with bigoted stereotypical attitudes annoying.
  12. Yes that is the theory. Usually until one party gets fed up or something better comes along.
  13. I was lucky as my ex didn't want regular contact with the children but is was made plainly clear to me that they would most probably have to spend 50% of the time with him and 50% of the time with me. I didn't think that this was a good idea for lots of reasons. But luckily for me my ex didn't want any shared custody. He takes them to McDonalds occasionally. My ex is definitely financially better off than me. He also has more free time and less responsibility. Where's the fairness in that? I was told in court that someone cannot be made to look after their own children - believe you me I tried.
  14. I think that all of these blanket statements that people make are inaccurate. They have to be. I know a lot of good men and men and I know a lot of men and women who are a waste of space.
  15. Oh I see LG. But he claimed to be ill and his doctor wrote a letter to say that he was ill. I on the other hand was well. But I knew that he wasn't so ill that he couldn't work but this is what he claimed. But these things make us stronger you know. Everything for a reason. Mt children are all better people because of this experience. Having said that they would like to have a caring Dad. But there are others who are worse off.
  16. Oh yes you're so right. I like to study people and I don't see any really good relationships - not really. They're all about compromise and usually one will compromise more than the other. Rarely I see a good relationship. These take a lot of work and trust but they are out there. But to a certain extent sometime you do have to be selfish I think.
  17. Yes I knew my ex since we were teens. We were together 30 years 26 of them married. My ex met someone who made life sound more exciting. Five years ago my ex split up 2 families got divorced got married and got divorced a second time. I've been picking up the pieces ever since. You don't sound smug at all but you really can't control what might happen to her. At the end of the day you can only control your own life.
  18. I actually feel sorry for people buying houses now. I know when I sold mine I told my EA not to sell to people who told me that they were stretching themselves to buy my house. The people who did buy it seemed more financially secure. Now I have a feeling that they're not. I only hope that it works out for them.
  19. Yes me too. Sadly the one that wants out doesn't realise their mistake until it's too late by which time you no longer want to work on it any more.
  20. Yes I have to agree with this. Where I live people are putting their houses on the market at high prices and are then reducing them gradually. Some house are priced sensibly (in my opinion) and they seem to sell quite well. I sold my house in 2 weeks. People still tell me that I sold it too cheaply. They say that other houses in my road on on the market at a higher price. I explain that not all houses are the same. Anyway mine is the only one that has sold this year. But anyway I'm downsizing. I wanted 50 grand difference between my selling price and my purchasing price. I haven't found anything that I like but I'm now looking at houses about 100 grand cheaper.
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