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Mick
Meet Mick. Ohhh…., Mick from Crocodile Dundee fame? Nope, same name different person entirely! This Mick works for debt collection agencies. Mick is a consumption king - all those tattoos cost a small fortune, and as for all that body piercing, and diamond studding, well that wasn't cheap either. Mick is especially proud of the hate tattoo on his arm and the massive diamond stud through his nose. But not everything is bad, Mick also knows about Investing, after all Mick knew to buy himself a good baseball bat and also to invest in a subscription to the local body building gym! The bat enables Mick to work and thus earn a living. Mick is to proud to collect benefits although some tax payers wish he would simply stop work and go on the dole.
Today we are going on a works outing with Mick. Mick has been given the address of the Dursley’s and they owe Mick’s friend a lot of money. The Dursley’s don’t know they own Mick's friend money, as Mr Dursley originally borrowed the money for the mortgage from one of the big high street banks, and the car and credit card debt well they are with another well known brand. Recently, Mr Dursley has struggled to meet his debt repayments, what with rising interest rates and rising inflation – both food prices and oil prices have shot up and there is still the holiday to pay for. Mr Dursley has been in touch with the bank and credit card agencies, who he has known for years. However, recently he has left the communication to them, well they always ask the same question when can they get their money back! Although, in the last week things must be getting better for the banks, thinks Mr Dursley, as there are no more demanding letters or phone calls (please return my call urgently). Mrs Dursley also now seems more relaxed, the mail was okay she just handed it to him when he came home from work and that, as far as she was concerned was the debt problem solved, but the phone calls were different – she needed to think of a new excuse each time to explain her husbands absence. Although since Mr Dursley got the part time job he is always out working, leaves at 06:45 sharp returns at 18:00hrs for dinner, and then leaves at 18:30 for his part time double glazing sales man job.
Now the time is 18:15, and Mick knows that Mr and Mrs Dursley and their son Dudley are sitting down for dinner in their nice semi-detached house in the quiet suburbs of Manchester. Mr Dursley is still a bit worried, the banks have really been a bit to quiet. Unknown to Mr Dursley, the bank quietly sold the debt on to a debt collection agency when they decided that letters, meetings and phone calls would not recover the money. Dudley is the first to hear the car approaching and the sound of a person walking up the gravel drive. Dudley is also the first to hear Mick baseball bat shatter the glass in the front door. Dudley jumps up and runs to the door. Now then mate where are you going, Mick asks Dudley – oh who are you asks Dudley? I ask the questions here mate, says Mick, as he grabs Dudley by the neck and picks him off his feet. Now where's Dad? Having dinner …although by now Mr Dudley has also appeared but there is nothing he can do against the massive muscular frame of Mick. Mick throws Dudley in to the corner like one does when getting rid of old rags. Where’s my money? I I I I don’t don’t have it stammers Mr Dudley. To bad then says Mick with a big grin on his face…..
The large van pulls up outside the Dudleys house and the TV, settee, table, beds and everything else that Mick thinks is nice goes in the back. The car won’t fit so Mick will drive it away. While all this is going on the neighbours are watching from behind the curtains – well Mick is frightening even from a distance. Dudley is being comforted by mum and is still crying as his neck hurts. Mick is enjoying himself and the Dursley’s just wish he would hurry up and go away. Only its not Mick that’s going it’s the Dursley’s the locksmith has already arrived!!
What is the moral of this story? Well there are three:-
- One is don’t borrow money if you cannot afford to pay both the capital and interest back during periods of high interest rates.
- Two, don’t put your faith in politicians keeping interest rates low indefinitely – in the end they always wreck the economy.
- Three, not really a moral, but anyway I am going to vote for John Prescott at the next election as his clunking fists are the closest the government ministers will ever get to experiencing the fear that ordinary folk feel when Mick arrives.