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Gordon Brown 2007 School Report
After weeks of doom and gloom it's time to have some fun. So what better than to write Gordon Brown 2007 school report. Please feel free to amend and add to this page; all contributions are welcome. If you simply want to make a comment then please put the comment on the discussion tab.
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Gordon Brown 2007 School Report
Drama; Teacher: Miss Dizziness
Gordon needs to improve. People simply do not believe him when he stands on stage and says the economy is in rude health. His friend Alistair Darling has similar problems - again people failed to believe him when he said their savings were safe in Northern Rock. I believe that acting is a very important part of politics. Drama helped that nice Mr Blair fellow to persuade the whole country that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction - oooohhh what ever happened to that nice Tony? Gordon would do well to pay more attention to drama - drama is not about Financial Crisis instead it's all about acting as though nothing has happened.
Score 1 out of 10
Maths
Gordon needs to pay much more attention. For example he need to understand the formula for compound interest. His economics teacher has also spoken to me about Gordon's miss-understanding of addition and subtraction, apparently he gets them confused when calculating GDP!
Economics; Teacher: Jeff Randall
Gordon is good at expressing himself and participates vigorously in class, which is good. However, he must refrain from telling everybody that economics is boring and not important. In fact economics is one of the most important subjects that touches everyone life (interest rates, inflation etc). Gordon's grasp of the subject is very limited, he must start paying more attention in class. For example he believes that you can borrow money without paying it back. In addition, he is confused about the difference between borrowing and lending - Gordon lent a lot of money to Northern Rock and see no reason why the tax payer should get the money back. Finally, as Gordon thinks house price inflation is good he also believe food price inflation is also good - alas this is not the case! I think Gordon's confusion is more to do with his limited grasp of English so I have taken the liberty to speak to the English teacher.
Result 0 out of 10 - Gordon must pay attention and try harder!
English
Gordon arrives late and pays little, if any, attention. He needs to spend a lot more time with a dictionary, as he does not understand the difference between simple words. For example he confuses borrowing with lending and booming with bust. In addition, he thinks spending, saving and investing are all the same thing (spending). There are many such other examples.
I have given Gordon an essay to write, while he is in detention. In this essay Gordon will have to explain why replacing the leaking pipe that connects the two research laboratories, that deal with the foot and mouth vaccine, is in fact investment as oppossed to spending; and why pouring more money in to public services without any improvement in productivity is in fact spending not investing.
Gordon needs to use plain English when explaining things to people otherwise he will confuse himself and others. For example his flowery writing "that there might have been a bit of a loss of containment" instead of the alternative plain English wording of "the pipe that carries the deadly foot and mouth vaccine, between the two research facilities, has a big hole in it" may have resulted in the virus escaping.
Result: I have awarded him 1 out of 10 as he does at least attend class.
French and EU Studies
Gordon pays little attention to foreign studies and seems to like pretending that they are not important. This resulted in him missing an important lesson where he needed to sign a key document. In the end he signed up to the treaty however, in a manner that made him look silly. Gordon has to recognise that people will remember that it was he who signed the document, even if he was late and pretended not to have signed it.
Politics
Gordon is a very attentive pupil and has worked hard this year to pull of a bloodless revolution. However, Gordon needs to work on his relationship skills as in politics you never now when you will need your friends. Gordon is a very confident pupil and always believes he is correct even when it is obvious he is wrong.
For the coming year I would recommend that Gordon makes an effort to build a relationship with the IMF as they act a lender of last resort to bankrupt Governments.
History
Gordon is a very frustrating pupil and always fails to pay attention. This is unfortunate as often history can help us understand the present e.g. bank runs have occurred before.
Religious Education
Gordon needs to deepen his realtionship with his beliefs. I feel that in 2008 he may need to ask for some favours from his religion e.g. a miracle here another miracle there!
Defence against the Dark Arts
Gordon loves this subject. But alas I cannot teach him a spell that conjures up money from thin air! Perhaps we will try growing money on trees next year.
Relationship Skills
Gordon has limited relationship skills. This is partly due to his belief that the U.K. is a dictatorship with him at the head. I have spoken to the politics teacher about this and she reassured me that she will set Gordon some homework on democracy.
In addition, Gordon promises everyone everything they want without thinking about how he is going to deliver it. All these promises raises people's expectations and the people then get annoyed when these promises fail to materialise. Gordon would do well to promise less and to start delivering what he does promise.
Finally, Gordon blames everything on his friends, for example all the current economic problems he states that Alistair Darling caused them, even though Gordon was chancellor for the last ten years. Also, for the past ten years, Gordon was the second most important man in the government so he cannot simply blame everything on Tony Blair. Gordon has to learn to take responsibility for his actions.
Score 1 out of 10
Head Master's Summary
In general Gordon pay's no attention in class but still thinks he knows everything! This does not bode well for the future! Further, he is careless with other peoples property - I have lost count of the number of times he has been to the lost property office in search of missing computer disks! Finally, Gordon has a tendency to pick pocket although he calls it taxation. People do not accept that stealth taxes are not theft. All these issues will come back to haunt him unless he quickly changes his behavour.
Other people have also commented on Gordon Brown such as the Economist Summary: Nothing to Smile About and Spectator Summary: Not so Good