Saturday, Mar 29, 2008
Listen to Melissa
Telegraph: Fame and Fortune: Melissa Porter
"My worst buy was a Range Rover I bought for £50,000 and later sold for £36,000" but "I've just bought a flat in Holland Park for £600,000 and I think I'll double my money in five months" and "Do you invest in anything else other than property? Yes, I have just started investing in art... I'm spreading my risk in property, art and also I'm thinking about wine. The art dealer I use really knows his onions" Wine and onions on canvas, whatever... I just love her!
Posted by confused76 @ 08:03 PM (1474 views) Add Comment
33 Comments
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1. japanese uncle said...
Fine arts is to this woman what pearls are to swine.
Fine arts are not for owning, but appreciating.
2. harold said...
Clearly intent on blowing all Daddy's money.
3. Boggles said...
I'm a p1ss artist,can you invest in some of my work?
Urinal stains on litmus paper is my latest masterpiece.It's gotta be worth a few quid if tracy emin can do a bed with used condoms on it
4. titaniccaptain said...
"I've just bought a flat in Holland Park for £600,000 and I think I'll double my money in five months. I've been really shrewd," ha ha ha ha my sides are splitting
5. jack c said...
Confused, this is property comedy at its best !
"I think I learned that putting money into houses is a great piggybank – it's like a personal savings account because the money grows"
- no chance that the value of your "investment" could fall as well as rise and that you might get back less than your original capital - of course I forgot this doesnt apply to property which as an "investment" is unregulated.
"I've just bought a flat in Holland Park for £600,000 and I think I'll double my money in five months"
- well to do that you really need to add 2 coats of Dulux magnolia on a good quality lining paper, enure that the flat is constantly filled with the aroma of fresh coffee and add a gold toilet roll holder to the proceedings.
As for the investment portfolio - Property, Art & Wines - all very illiquid (no pun intented) assets in a recession - lets hope daddy has plenty money to bail this girl out because she'll potentially be facing bankruptcy in 18 months time !
6. little professor said...
She looks well fit tho:
7. Papabear said...
Er... who is Melissa Porter?
8. titaniccaptain said...
@little professor
"She looks well fit tho:" yeah the sofa is lovely
9. confused76 said...
I love her!
10. titaniccaptain said...
. confused76 said...
I love her!
yeah but would you trust her with your credit card with a track record like that?
11. Gone To Colombia said...
oh how I hate such vile smug and vulgar people.
I cannot wait to hear of her personal house(flat)pricecrash.
12. confused76 said...
I mean... had she been able to sell a used Range Rover for a capital profit she would be a total genius!
However, she is absolutely gorgeous
13. confused76 said...
I d trust her... I d trust her...
14. it_is_going_with_a_bang said...
well having just forked out that money on property she had better keep to the story line.
I'll double my money in 6 months.
Stupid woman.
She will learn.
15. Gone To Colombia said...
Be kind,
after all acording to her own web site she is ´´a property expert´´
This has to mean she knows what she´s doing, doesn´t it?
16. japanese uncle said...
I am afraid posing on the sofa like this does the trick. Look at her neck which clearly shows redundancy. Doesn't look too fit.
17. jack c said...
Sofa - it's a genuine Chez Long - she borrowed a bit extra on the interest only mortgage over 40 years to buy it - perfectly situated in her £600k flat it will help triple the value in 12 months time Kirsty told her so it must be true.
18. plato said...
How to be a Spendthrift and not be a Spendthrift :
"I've been really shrewd, done a lot of legwork and found a really crappy property in the best part of town."
"I like to share good investment decisions without giving too much away."
"My HSBC debit card. I have a Mastercard, but I prefer debit cards."
and so on............................
19. Peter Kiddle said...
A very silly little girl.
20. hoyo said...
"The really good thing about my Dad is he always dealt in cash"
I bet he's over the moon with that comment,he's probably got the tax man knocking his door as I type!!!!
"And I've joined a consortium fund with other investors to buy a plot of land in Whitechapel where we will develop 14 flats."
Opp's oh well
I with confused & little prof , mark's out of two , I'd give er one !!!!!
21. Landedgentry said...
Art investment on the brink of a recession.
I pick up dumb gullible chicks like these on alternate weekends.
22. wiltshire said...
Go and take a look at her official site, it's fantastic. "Melissa owns a property renovation company, Porter & Smurfit, with Charlie Smurfit and the diligent duo provide a complete bespoke design and renovation service to discerning clients."
And in October 2007 she hosted the “Manchester Evening News Residential Property Awards”. I wonder if they'll bother with the 2008 ceremony?
I guess a HPC is going to hit some harder than others!!!!
23. Uncle Tom said...
What a stupid cow!
24. Deadspider said...
What I find astounding is the weight of her legs and bottom .
Why is the padding on the long chair so compressed ?
It's as if it's made from some kind of cheap foam padding , Or she has heavy feet .
25. confused76 said...
here we go, find useful advice at
http://www.whathouse.co.uk/home-garden/porter-smurfit-how-to-sell-your-home
so anyone knows about this Charlie Smurfit girl?
26. An Bearin Bui said...
She more or less embodies the term "financial moron":
On investing in shares: "No. To me that's like playing roulette - I don't get it. I know that may sound strange given that I am prepared to take risks, but I only do that with what I can understand" - yes, you and your tiny little brain should stick to buying plots of land in Whitechapel and 600k flats that you plan to have double in value in six months - that's all totally risk-free investment...
27. Pooingmyself said...
Every woman sits on a fortune
28. Last_days_of_disco said...
She is just an awesome babe. No matter how wrong she is.
Beautiful women have this great advantage over men, they can be completely wrong but we still can't resist them.
Haha, I can't help wishing her every success, yeah I know its irrational.
29. last_days_of_disco said...
She is just an awesome babe. No matter how wrong she is. Sounds like great fun!
Beautiful women have this great advantage over men, they can be completely wrong but we still can't resist them.
Haha, I can't help wishing her every success, yeah I know its irrational. She is such a character, wanted to call her company "Luck b*tch".
Hahaha, she is delightful.
30. mark wadsworth said...
Isn't that Angelina Jolie?
31. titaniccaptain said...
You could have a posting on this site with the headline..."Crash is here house prices fall 99.9%" the amount of comments after would be half of this posting with a pretty girl showing a bit of leg cmon guys if your that desparate try russian wives.com lol
32. techieman said...
Confused trust me - she doesnt look that good first thing in the morning - well not from the waist up anyway.
33. new user 2007 said...
"I have never allowed myself to leave a credit card balance unpaid in full - my bank manager loves me."
le is quite boring and pointless. But this comment sticks out as (one of many) why no one should be getting advice from her.....bank managers love people who can pay but don't pay, otherwise the bank does not make any money and the card is just a cost.