FLASH_2007, on 07 April 2012 - 03:17 PM, said:
The above topic seems to be an area I have a problem with. I remember a while back on this site there was a questionnaire about personality types and many people on here were INTJ the same as myself. I was wondering if others experience the same sort of problems as myself and what you have done to try and improve.
To be honest I think when people first meet me they don't like me at all, however I am a popular person with people who have known me a long time mainly as I think it takes a long time to understand the way my I think and the reasons I do things etc. Many of my friends are people who have known me along time due to having gone to school or worked with then over a period of time.
I am the sort of person who doesn't know a lot about many subjects but the things I know about I research in a lot of detail. A main draw back is when a conversation is about a subject I know nothing about I hardly have any input at all and say very little and when the subject comes round to something I know a lot about I tend to know a lot more than the average person so its usually a case of coming across very opinionated and a bit of a know it all. Also because I think very differently from the average person things like my STR status tend to make me come across a bit strange when they don't understand the reasons behind it.
I could give numerous examples of arguments people have had with me on a subject such as house prices or something else that they know nothing about.
Communication skills are important in life, but don't forget that some of the best bull-sh*tters have excellent communication skills with little or no depth and integrity behind their words.
Reading your post the first thing that struck me about what you said was that you are somewhere on the scale between being shy and having low-esteem. Don't worry, an awful lot of us either live in that space, or have lived in that space, at some point in our lives.
The problem with shyness is that it leads to low self-esteem and once you lose your confidence, suffer from low self-esteem, etc, it becomes a vicious and self-fulfilling circle that is hard to break out of.
But I think you have answered your question in your post - you say that people who know you well like you and listen to what you have to say. That is wonderful.
The people who don't take time to get to know you, and whom you think dislike you, well they are probably people best avoided anyhow. If people make instant assumptions about another person without getting to know that - and we all do it almost daily in our lives - then the problem is with the person making the assumptions.
I think one of the great life lessons is learning to respect others and take the time to get to know them.
The people in your life already who know you have done this with you - and you have undoubtedly done it with them. The secret, I think, is to be careful about whom you let into your life, whom you allow to become your friends and to learn how to build an invisible protective shield around you only allowing good people in... and keeping out the numerous nutters.
You see, and I can't emphasise it enough, the problem is probably with those making instant judgements about you - why do they make such judgements? Is it only you they are making judgements about - probably not?
I have said a 1001 times on here to numerous people, go and buy 'Life Lessons' by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler because it is a wonderful book that teaches people how to step back, look at the world and people around them, and put things into perspective.
What are the lyrics from that song... "some people enjoy putting other people down..." People who do - well, they have the problem and not you.