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I Want To Be Alone: The Rise And Rise Of Solo Living


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#106 Daveky

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:52 AM

Very true. I always warn my friends who consider becoming house husbands of this aspect of female psychology. I will also be warning my sons about the connecting with your feelings, being sensitive trap. Once I understood how much bs that stuff was, my romantic relationships (as opposed to friendships) with females improved immeasurably.

A TV interview I saw with a couple the better part of 20 years ago burnt an understanding of this into my mind. Husband was a real man's man - been a miner and he lost his job when the pit shut. Wife became the main breadwinner, and she basically said that she lost respect for him and stopped putting out. I doubt their marriage lasted, which was sad given they had 3 or 4 kids iirc.

It doesn't have to be as huge as becoming a house husband; even having a hiccup in your career or being temporarily unemployed is enough for a lot of women to lose respect. In my younger days, I had a couple of hiccups in my career before getting back on track and each time the woman went as well as the job. You could see the cogs turning. Both times the set back turned out to be a precursor to a leap forward. Both times, once "success" was back on the table, the women concerned started "showing regret" and came sniffing around again. Both of them were alleged "feminists." The strange thing is that I don't think they quite understood themselves why their feelings had changed. It makes one dreadfully cynical, and much more careful/choosy. Thank god I didn't have kids or significant assets at the time.

The courts don't seem to treat house husbands who are dumped after giving up their careers in the same manner as house wives. The setbacks and loss of future earnings in this ageist world are almost as bad for men as for women. It is a real injustice and makes an absolute mockery of the lip service paid to equality.


Ive had this situation once. What got me about it more than anything is that are women so short sighted that they don't know you're going to get back on your feet sharpish and won't rest until you're at least back to where you were before? I used my redundancy to change career and, in the three years since, am now doing better than I would have been in my career with better prospects, this after learning that some careers pay better than others for no reason other than supply and demand of candidates.

#107 winkie

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 11:50 AM

Numerous studies done have shown that women tend to lose love and respect for a man who becomes a house husband - man, on a deep rooted level, has to be the bread winner, protector and 'be a man' for a great majority of women. It is the same reason why rich, successful women chase men who are richer and more successful - it is a deep rooted evolutionary need in them.

All this stuff about connecting with your feelings, being sensitive, etc is bull - that is a way for many men to lose the women in their lives.



Can't say I agree with you this time MT. ;)
What you don't owe won't worry you.

Less can be more.

#108 winkie

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 12:09 PM

1.Because the majority are scarred stiff of being alone. How many people leave their partner before finding someone else? Not many in my experience. And those who have been dumped make it a priority to find someone else as soon as they can;
2. They cannot afford to live on their own with rent and house prices at ridiculous levels;
3. They stay for the kids; I did for about 10 years and still think this was the right thing to do.

There are many reasons and perhaps we expect too much because it is drummed into us that finding the perfect mate is the be all and end all. Then reality hits!


1. Agree, but it is not always as frightening as it may seem....being alone for a period of time can be good for you.

2. Agree, if someone else can pay the bills what is stopping anyone working to see it they can eventually start paying their own bills....could it be they are more afraid of lowering their standard of living?

3. Depends on the relationship.
What you don't owe won't worry you.

Less can be more.

#109 Nicnic

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 02:00 PM

1. Agree, but it is not always as frightening as it may seem....being alone for a period of time can be good for you.

2. Agree, if someone else can pay the bills what is stopping anyone working to see it they can eventually start paying their own bills....could it be they are more afraid of lowering their standard of living?

3. Depends on the relationship.


Totally agree with you Winkie.

#110 TheBlueCat

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 05:17 PM

I too get visitors but I soon get rid of them! :)

That's the great thing about having people to stay. It's nice to see them and catch up on things and then it's nice again when they go and you get your house back to yourself.

#111 MrPin

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 05:25 PM

Hermit is the "new socialite"! I thought I was the only anti-social git here!
We should all "not get together" sometime, and ignore each other! :lol: :blink:
Ignorance can be cured! Stupidity cannot!

#112 winkie

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 05:56 PM


What you don't owe won't worry you.

Less can be more.

#113 AdV

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 06:56 PM

Ive had this situation once. What got me about it more than anything is that are women so short sighted that they don't know you're going to get back on your feet sharpish and won't rest until you're at least back to where you were before? I used my redundancy to change career and, in the three years since, am now doing better than I would have been in my career with better prospects, this after learning that some careers pay better than others for no reason other than supply and demand of candidates.


Where do you meet all these women? My female friends are all still with their husbands, some under very difficult circumstances (illnesses, loss of jobs etc.) and are supporting their husbands unconditionally and are quite prepared to go out and earn the money or care for their husbands (or both). However, the men are finding it much more difficult to adjust to switch of roles.

#114 JohnLennon

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 07:05 PM

Materially, men have the most to lose as they build up capital and assets from an earlier age but the legal framework is so skewed in favour of women that the risk to men is so great that to many it is simply not worth it.

That is where I am, materially very comfortable but that comfort is like a millstone at times. It is what I have spent the first half of my life working towards it is my achievement. Do I want to be in a relationship? Quite often, yes I do but the head rules the heart. I would quite like the wife and children thing but the gamble is heavily stacked against me. The win would be a long and happy life with kids and a loving wife, the loss would be limited access to my kids while someone else is living with my wife in my house while I exist in a one bedroom flat, skint because of paying for afore mentioned. Shallow? Me? :D


Very sad to read this post but it sums up why I think single living is on the rise. Men being careful and a lot of women effectively left on the shelf. Also a lot of women these days suffer from 'stupid bitch' syndrome.

The trick would be for you to get one of those flexi mortgages, withdraw 75% of the equity spread it around offshore accounts or buy some of the yellow stuff NOW! Then if (when!) it all goes pear shaped then your ex will get half of fvck all - not ideal but a hedged bet

#115 Wait & See

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 07:28 PM

Marrage is just another trap for most men. The state can control men better if they have to work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the wife and kids.

Why any man would want to sign away their freedom is anyones guess.

#116 MrPin

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 07:37 PM

MrPin, you reminded me of this:


Thanks! I am just like Garth, but with a better car! :lol: :blink:
Ignorance can be cured! Stupidity cannot!

#117 The Masked Tulip

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 08:45 PM

Hey, you talked to me. Your my best friend now, did you know that? I love you. :)



Hugs.
The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength you faced the challenges that have stood in your way.

The people closest to you have been trying to tell you that you have made a difference. That you did change things for the better. The Universe is vast and we are so small. There is really only one thing that we can ever truly control - whether we are good or evil.


The political triumph of the American Right has been to advance relentlessly the economic interests of the country's richest people, while emphasising a swath of moral, social and foreign policy issues that motivate and certainly distract middle-class and poor voters.

#118 The Masked Tulip

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 08:47 PM

Very true. I always warn my friends who consider becoming house husbands of this aspect of female psychology. I will also be warning my sons about the connecting with your feelings, being sensitive trap. Once I understood how much bs that stuff was, my romantic relationships (as opposed to friendships) with females improved immeasurably.

A TV interview I saw with a couple the better part of 20 years ago burnt an understanding of this into my mind. Husband was a real man's man - been a miner and he lost his job when the pit shut. Wife became the main breadwinner, and she basically said that she lost respect for him and stopped putting out. I doubt their marriage lasted, which was sad given they had 3 or 4 kids iirc.

It doesn't have to be as huge as becoming a house husband; even having a hiccup in your career or being temporarily unemployed is enough for a lot of women to lose respect. In my younger days, I had a couple of hiccups in my career before getting back on track and each time the woman went as well as the job. You could see the cogs turning. Both times the set back turned out to be a precursor to a leap forward. Both times, once "success" was back on the table, the women concerned started "showing regret" and came sniffing around again. Both of them were alleged "feminists." The strange thing is that I don't think they quite understood themselves why their feelings had changed. It makes one dreadfully cynical, and much more careful/choosy. Thank god I didn't have kids or significant assets at the time.

The courts don't seem to treat house husbands who are dumped after giving up their careers in the same manner as house wives. The setbacks and loss of future earnings in this ageist world are almost as bad for men as for women. It is a real injustice and makes an absolute mockery of the lip service paid to equality.



Yep. All of that.
The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life. Your spirit cannot be weighed. Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength you faced the challenges that have stood in your way.

The people closest to you have been trying to tell you that you have made a difference. That you did change things for the better. The Universe is vast and we are so small. There is really only one thing that we can ever truly control - whether we are good or evil.


The political triumph of the American Right has been to advance relentlessly the economic interests of the country's richest people, while emphasising a swath of moral, social and foreign policy issues that motivate and certainly distract middle-class and poor voters.

#119 Ulfar

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 09:00 PM

That's the great thing about having people to stay. It's nice to see them and catch up on things and then it's nice again when they go and you get your house back to yourself.


Absolutely agree with this.

Maybe it is selfish but I like being single, I live my life how I want too.

The downsides to get married, having kids, then getting divorced are just too great.

#120 Greg Bowman

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Posted 02 April 2012 - 06:54 AM

Marrage is just another trap for most men. The state can control men better if they have to work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the wife and kids.

Why any man would want to sign away their freedom is anyones guess.


I got married because I love my wife and it was a sacrament of my religion, I have seen a lot of fifty year old ' free' men confirms marrying for love was the right choice.

For millions of us it is nothing to do with the State
What does that mean?




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