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Estate Agent Speak


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#1 Jack2

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Posted 23 July 2009 - 06:46 PM

It seems to be a norfolk thing, but when will agents realise that "tucked away" does not mean anything good or make me want to view? Round these parts it generally means "built in someone elses garden".

#2 waitingandsaving

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Posted 23 July 2009 - 09:39 PM

Rarely available, except that there are another 2 places more or less the same in the same street/area for sale, and the property in question has been on the market for over a year.... Yep, that's rare. Or... going on your Norfolk theme - are they spelling as phonetically, in which case rarely available would be really available.

(As in "thass a rarely nice flat you've got hair boy"...)

#3 Uitlander

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Posted 24 July 2009 - 07:19 AM

Not a phrase, but personally I go for the wideangle/fish-eye lens that they think makes rooms look 'spacious'.

#4 J50

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Posted 24 July 2009 - 07:25 AM

There's one near me called Catling and Co (or Crapling and Co) who have often used the phrase "for the discerning purchaser" when describing a property... just sounds so *****ish to me... The other one is when they label houses as "keen to sell" - so what, everyone that isn't labelled that isn't keen to sell?

#5 fallingbuzzard

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Posted 24 July 2009 - 10:28 PM

Potential to refurbish = Almost uninhabitable dump which hasn't changed in 30 years
Light and airy accommodation = White walls and high ceilings
Offering good access to Axx = On the bypass / main trunk road
A rare opportunity = An opportunity so rare and unwanted that no-one even thought of selling it to you before
The property benefits from = The property is a living thing
There is benefit of on street parking to the front = You'll never be able to park in front of that house
The property is in good general order = It needs refurbishment but the owner doesn't think so
Arranged over two floors = A bog-standard house
The property is presented in poor order = This is a repossession
No onward chain complications = We'd like you to pay a premium because the owner wants to move into rented accommodation and sit out the crash
The rent for the property has been established at £1250 pcm = The tenants have a side deal agreed with the current owner to stay in the property until it is sold paying rent over the odds but receiving a cash rebate of £350 each month
Redecorated throughout, with thought, care and attention to fittings and finish = White and magnolia painted walls with B&Q brushed steel fittings

As far as I can tell pretty much everything is presented as an opportunity at the moment which probably means that its the opposite, ie misfortune or very bad luck.

There's one near me called Catling and Co (or Crapling and Co) who have often used the phrase "for the discerning purchaser" when describing a property... just sounds so *****ish to me... The other one is when they label houses as "keen to sell" - so what, everyone that isn't labelled that isn't keen to sell?



#6 waitingandsaving

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Posted 26 July 2009 - 01:39 PM

Blank canvas - so often used to describe a plain magnolia house... however, this one (link) I personally find a challenge to describe as a blank canvas. :blink:

#7 mrlargeredpants

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Posted 27 July 2009 - 05:18 PM

The one that makes me laugh is 'sympathetically extended' :rolleyes:

#8 Jack2

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Posted 27 July 2009 - 08:51 PM

Rarely available, except that there are another 2 places more or less the same in the same street/area for sale, and the property in question has been on the market for over a year.... Yep, that's rare. Or... going on your Norfolk theme - are they spelling as phonetically, in which case rarely available would be really available.

(As in "thass a rarely nice flat you've got hair boy"...)


Very good, That reminds me of when I was trying to explain to my wife, who was having a blonde monent, why it was necesary to have diferent endings when conjugating French verbs such as etre - I said , in a moment of inspiration, that if you conjugated verbs wrongly you would sound as though you were born in Norfolk, ie "I be, you be, he be, she be" As in "She be lookin right bootfull"

A non descriptive ea ploy moment happened to us recently, a local bungalow went up for sale on the day after end of school term. Yep you guessed, its one door away from a primary school. No parking and white noise at 100db 5 times a day!
For the record, I love Norfolk, the accent, the people, the history etc.

#9 waitingandsaving

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Posted 27 July 2009 - 10:30 PM

:D Yes, I think the Norfolk accent is rather endearing...

My 2 favourites from working for Virgin Money at one point, having it explained in the training session that they don't have call centres in Norwich because of the accent, the lady at the front said that in a previous session on clear communication, she's been talking about cutting out the jargon - someone in the group really couldn't understand why she was talking about not going jogging so frequently...

Another one is the name Tamara... :D

I have ambitions of doing a youTube series of rap songs recited in the Norfolk accent by local oldies - "I'll tek yew tew tha Caaandy Shopp, Le' yer suck me laalli-POP!"
Sadly I don't think it's one that would come to fruition, even if they didn't understand what they were singing about...

#10 dispossessed

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 11:21 AM

ANY of that drivel from 'Fine and Country', if you've never seen it, buy the FRiday EDP for the property section and prepare to throw.
I want to be a part time property developer, but where I can do them up on expenses and then dodge CGT. Fanciful? Well, Hazel Blears did it.

#11 mikeymadman

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 11:10 PM

Much sought after.

#12 Jack2

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 01:44 PM

2 From Haart :- "What you have been working for" and "price range, from --- to ---"

I work to enjoy the planet, and all its wonders, not to pay daft prices for an anchor, and as for "price range" what on earth is that about????

#13 the_duke_of_hazzard

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 02:18 PM

"Architect-designed"

as opposed to "dry cleaner-designed", presumably.

#14 Jack2

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Posted 06 August 2009 - 08:26 PM

"Architect-designed"

as opposed to "dry cleaner-designed", presumably.


Brilliant.

#15 jonb

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Posted 06 August 2009 - 09:16 PM

Potential to refurbish = Almost uninhabitable dump which hasn't changed in 30 years
Light and airy accommodation = White walls and high ceilings
Offering good access to Axx = On the bypass / main trunk road
A rare opportunity = An opportunity so rare and unwanted that no-one even thought of selling it to you before
The property benefits from = The property is a living thing
There is benefit of on street parking to the front = You'll never be able to park in front of that house
The property is in good general order = It needs refurbishment but the owner doesn't think so
Arranged over two floors = A bog-standard house
The property is presented in poor order = This is a repossession
No onward chain complications = We'd like you to pay a premium because the owner wants to move into rented accommodation and sit out the crash
The rent for the property has been established at £1250 pcm = The tenants have a side deal agreed with the current owner to stay in the property until it is sold paying rent over the odds but receiving a cash rebate of £350 each month
Redecorated throughout, with thought, care and attention to fittings and finish = White and magnolia painted walls with B&Q brushed steel fittings

As far as I can tell pretty much everything is presented as an opportunity at the moment which probably means that its the opposite, ie misfortune or very bad luck.


Deceptively spacious - a rabbit hutch
Modern living - a rabbit hutch
Imaginative use of space - a rabbit hutch
City living - a rabbit hutch with no parking
Pied-a-terre - a rabbit hutch with no parking
Crash pad - a rabbit hutch with no parking

Edited by jonb, 06 August 2009 - 09:17 PM.





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