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juvenal

Olympics Opening Ceremony

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I've noted that punk luminary Johnny Rotten wants no part of this national beano, but his words in the Independenti today raise anew fears of the acute embarrassment I experienced at our UK effort at Bejing's Olympic Closing Cermenony.

Remember Boris in his rumpled-uncle suit? His bafflement at holding and waving a flag? The appearance of a bus (like a Triang toy in that vast arena) with an old rock star, a soccer player and a motley bunch of multicultural 'dancers' aboard?

'They're going to do this thing', said Johnny, 'Where celebrities go around the stadium on the back of flat-top lorries. So there will be Naomi Campbell in a Vivienne Westwood dress, followed by Madness doing 'Baggy Trousers'...'

Oh dear. Sounds horribly like the Parade of Floats at Wareham Town Carnival.....

I have visions of an Eddie Stobart mechanic, lower legs visible under a broken-down lorry, as Madness bravely launch into their other number, shouting "Tommy! Have you got a ******* adjustable?"...

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'They're going to do this thing', said Johnny, 'Where celebrities go around the stadium on the back of flat-top lorries. So there will be Naomi Campbell in a Vivienne Westwood dress, followed by Madness doing 'Baggy Trousers'...'

Sounds dire. I thought Cool Britannia was dead and buried.

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snip

I have visions of an Eddie Stobart mechanic, lower legs visible under a broken-down lorry, as Madness bravely launch into their other number, shouting "Tommy! Have you got a ******* adjustable?"...

you are clearly not thinking of the weeks of realtime telly they can make out of this.

the days of anguish of the Stobart driver trying to get there on time, the right bagginess for the Madness trousers, just the right amount of sick on the track for that perfect UK atmosphere...

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I can guarantee...it will be the most expensive open ceremony in history....and we will all be paying for it for years. :angry:

They're planning to reuse the countdown timer to show how long until it's all finally paid off - They'll need to add a few extra digits to it first though.

Interestingly, the 1948 games was run on an absolute show-string budget and managed to turn a fairly healthy profit.

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I can guarantee...it will be the most expensive open ceremony in history....and we will all be paying for it for years. :angry:

I'm sure you will be proved correct and i'm sure we'll be looking at it thinking "where did the money go? This is sh1t".

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I don't suppose half the planet (India and China) have even heard of them. So it won't be very interesting for them.

I think they would be more impressed by lots of people dancing and fireworks. The Chinese use the Red Army, the Indians its railway workers....perhaps we could mobilise the entire NHS.

Counting on Al Qaeda to provide the fireworks?

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At least the New Year's firework display was impressive...

They should copy the guys at Oban - compressing a 20 minute display into under 60 seconds by accident...

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They should copy the guys at Oban - compressing a 20 minute display into under 60 seconds by accident...

what would have filled the other 19 minutes?

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Don't they still have that "olympic torch" thingey introduced by the Nazis to symbolise the glory of the master race?

If you or I paraded around the country with a symbol like that and big publicity, I expect we'd be locked up.

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I think they would be more impressed by lots of people dancing and fireworks. The Chinese use the Red Army, the Indians its railway workers....perhaps we could mobilise the entire NHS.

A ticker tape parade made from red tape and "consultancy documents".

Couldn't give a monkey's what they do, I won't be watching it.

+1

I barely saw any of the Chinese ceremony. Something about fake fireworks and a dubbed child? Who cares.

Why not have some of your silly morris dancers leading the ceremony?

Don't diss Morris Dancers, they can get very annoyed.

dw-s8-daemons-morris-hp3.jpg

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I naturally distrust anyone who watches opening ceremonies.

It's for people who don't like sport, but want to be part of something they feel is in some way cultural.

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I naturally distrust anyone who watches opening ceremonies.

It's for people who don't like sport, but want to be part of something they feel is in some way cultural.

Watched live they can be quite entertaining.

The opening ceremony for the 1991 World Student Games in Sheffield was surprisingly enjoyable.

I wouldn't have watched it on TV though.

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I've noted that punk luminary Johnny Rotten wants no part of this national beano, but his words in the Independenti today raise anew fears of the acute embarrassment I experienced at our UK effort at Bejing's Olympic Closing Cermenony.

Remember Boris in his rumpled-uncle suit? His bafflement at holding and waving a flag? The appearance of a bus (like a Triang toy in that vast arena) with an old rock star, a soccer player and a motley bunch of multicultural 'dancers' aboard?

'They're going to do this thing', said Johnny, 'Where celebrities go around the stadium on the back of flat-top lorries. So there will be Naomi Campbell in a Vivienne Westwood dress, followed by Madness doing 'Baggy Trousers'...'

Oh dear. Sounds horribly like the Parade of Floats at Wareham Town Carnival.....

Maybe Johnny could be on the Country Life Butter float.

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I don't suppose half the planet (India and China) have even heard of them. So it won't be very interesting for them.

I think they would be more impressed by lots of people dancing and fireworks. The Chinese use the Red Army, the Indians its railway workers....perhaps we could mobilise the entire NHS.

Rehearsals are underway for a troop of 600 dancers on a fast food burger set - half will be in hoodies and half dressed as single mums with pushchairs as props. Of course, all pushchairs will be covered in a suitably spangly fabric in benefit book colours

...

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I can't work this olympic thing out - I have no intention of watching any of it myself, most people I speak to are (at best) ambivalent or just totally uninterested.

Yet the tickets have all sold out :blink:

It's like I'm living in some sort of parallel UK.......

Buckers

Corporate jolly brigade? Foreign tourists? 1 out of every 10,000 people bought one? I wouldn't go unless I had a free seat and a decent buffet/booze plus a TV and DVD player with something interesting to watch

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There's something around 8 million tickets sold which works out at around 12k per session/event.

Despite what everyone's trying to claim, I can't see this making much of dent to normal London life.

It's under 500k people per day, which is probably about the number of children that won't be going to school?

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