Dave Beans

I Want To Be Alone: The Rise And Rise Of Solo Living

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Interacting with other human beings is good for your mental health and soul - please consider it.

Hey, you talked to me. Your my best friend now, did you know that? I love you. :)

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Numerous studies done have shown that women tend to lose love and respect for a man who becomes a house husband - man, on a deep rooted level, has to be the bread winner, protector and 'be a man' for a great majority of women. It is the same reason why rich, successful women chase men who are richer and more successful - it is a deep rooted evolutionary need in them.

All this stuff about connecting with your feelings, being sensitive, etc is bull - that is a way for many men to lose the women in their lives.

Very true. I always warn my friends who consider becoming house husbands of this aspect of female psychology. I will also be warning my sons about the connecting with your feelings, being sensitive trap. Once I understood how much bs that stuff was, my romantic relationships (as opposed to friendships) with females improved immeasurably.

A TV interview I saw with a couple the better part of 20 years ago burnt an understanding of this into my mind. Husband was a real man's man - been a miner and he lost his job when the pit shut. Wife became the main breadwinner, and she basically said that she lost respect for him and stopped putting out. I doubt their marriage lasted, which was sad given they had 3 or 4 kids iirc.

It doesn't have to be as huge as becoming a house husband; even having a hiccup in your career or being temporarily unemployed is enough for a lot of women to lose respect. In my younger days, I had a couple of hiccups in my career before getting back on track and each time the woman went as well as the job. You could see the cogs turning. Both times the set back turned out to be a precursor to a leap forward. Both times, once "success" was back on the table, the women concerned started "showing regret" and came sniffing around again. Both of them were alleged "feminists." The strange thing is that I don't think they quite understood themselves why their feelings had changed. It makes one dreadfully cynical, and much more careful/choosy. Thank god I didn't have kids or significant assets at the time.

The courts don't seem to treat house husbands who are dumped after giving up their careers in the same manner as house wives. The setbacks and loss of future earnings in this ageist world are almost as bad for men as for women. It is a real injustice and makes an absolute mockery of the lip service paid to equality.

Edited by Tiger Woods?

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How can you live without having a conversation with someone?

Do they have internet access in Tibetan caves now?

Back in 1994 I lived buy out in the stick for 5 months by myself. The TV blew up 1 week in, and I never bothered getting it fixed. Grunted briefly to people at the checkout, but that is about it. Managed to do a lot of very good research during that time. Wasn't too much of a problem then, and I could do it now much more easily now that I am older.

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.....not that desperate!.....which makes you wonder why there are some that stay in relationships that are dysfunctional, with emotional or physical abuse with no mutual respect between each other...like walking on eggshells......I can't think of anything that could be worse .....being solo after living in those circumstances must be like being freed from prison....why do people continue to stay? why are they scared of turning their lives around for the better? :unsure:

1.Because the majority are scarred stiff of being alone. How many people leave their partner before finding someone else? Not many in my experience. And those who have been dumped make it a priority to find someone else as soon as they can;

2. They cannot afford to live on their own with rent and house prices at ridiculous levels;

3. They stay for the kids; I did for about 10 years and still think this was the right thing to do.

There are many reasons and perhaps we expect too much because it is drummed into us that finding the perfect mate is the be all and end all. Then reality hits!

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Very true. I always warn my friends who consider becoming house husbands of this aspect of female psychology. I will also be warning my sons about the connecting with your feelings, being sensitive trap. Once I understood how much bs that stuff was, my romantic relationships (as opposed to friendships) with females improved immeasurably.

A TV interview I saw with a couple the better part of 20 years ago burnt an understanding of this into my mind. Husband was a real man's man - been a miner and he lost his job when the pit shut. Wife became the main breadwinner, and she basically said that she lost respect for him and stopped putting out. I doubt their marriage lasted, which was sad given they had 3 or 4 kids iirc.

It doesn't have to be as huge as becoming a house husband; even having a hiccup in your career or being temporarily unemployed is enough for a lot of women to lose respect. In my younger days, I had a couple of hiccups in my career before getting back on track and each time the woman went as well as the job. You could see the cogs turning. Both times the set back turned out to be a precursor to a leap forward. Both times, once "success" was back on the table, the women concerned started "showing regret" and came sniffing around again. Both of them were alleged "feminists." The strange thing is that I don't think they quite understood themselves why their feelings had changed. It makes one dreadfully cynical, and much more careful/choosy. Thank god I didn't have kids or significant assets at the time.

The courts don't seem to treat house husbands who are dumped after giving up their careers in the same manner as house wives. The setbacks and loss of future earnings in this ageist world are almost as bad for men as for women. It is a real injustice and makes an absolute mockery of the lip service paid to equality.

Ive had this situation once. What got me about it more than anything is that are women so short sighted that they don't know you're going to get back on your feet sharpish and won't rest until you're at least back to where you were before? I used my redundancy to change career and, in the three years since, am now doing better than I would have been in my career with better prospects, this after learning that some careers pay better than others for no reason other than supply and demand of candidates.

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Numerous studies done have shown that women tend to lose love and respect for a man who becomes a house husband - man, on a deep rooted level, has to be the bread winner, protector and 'be a man' for a great majority of women. It is the same reason why rich, successful women chase men who are richer and more successful - it is a deep rooted evolutionary need in them.

All this stuff about connecting with your feelings, being sensitive, etc is bull - that is a way for many men to lose the women in their lives.

Can't say I agree with you this time MT. ;)

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1.Because the majority are scarred stiff of being alone. How many people leave their partner before finding someone else? Not many in my experience. And those who have been dumped make it a priority to find someone else as soon as they can;

2. They cannot afford to live on their own with rent and house prices at ridiculous levels;

3. They stay for the kids; I did for about 10 years and still think this was the right thing to do.

There are many reasons and perhaps we expect too much because it is drummed into us that finding the perfect mate is the be all and end all. Then reality hits!

1. Agree, but it is not always as frightening as it may seem....being alone for a period of time can be good for you.

2. Agree, if someone else can pay the bills what is stopping anyone working to see it they can eventually start paying their own bills....could it be they are more afraid of lowering their standard of living?

3. Depends on the relationship.

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1. Agree, but it is not always as frightening as it may seem....being alone for a period of time can be good for you.

2. Agree, if someone else can pay the bills what is stopping anyone working to see it they can eventually start paying their own bills....could it be they are more afraid of lowering their standard of living?

3. Depends on the relationship.

Totally agree with you Winkie.

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I too get visitors but I soon get rid of them! :)

That's the great thing about having people to stay. It's nice to see them and catch up on things and then it's nice again when they go and you get your house back to yourself.

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Hermit is the "new socialite"! I thought I was the only anti-social git here!

We should all "not get together" sometime, and ignore each other! :lol::blink:

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Ive had this situation once. What got me about it more than anything is that are women so short sighted that they don't know you're going to get back on your feet sharpish and won't rest until you're at least back to where you were before? I used my redundancy to change career and, in the three years since, am now doing better than I would have been in my career with better prospects, this after learning that some careers pay better than others for no reason other than supply and demand of candidates.

Where do you meet all these women? My female friends are all still with their husbands, some under very difficult circumstances (illnesses, loss of jobs etc.) and are supporting their husbands unconditionally and are quite prepared to go out and earn the money or care for their husbands (or both). However, the men are finding it much more difficult to adjust to switch of roles.

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Materially, men have the most to lose as they build up capital and assets from an earlier age but the legal framework is so skewed in favour of women that the risk to men is so great that to many it is simply not worth it.

That is where I am, materially very comfortable but that comfort is like a millstone at times. It is what I have spent the first half of my life working towards – it is my achievement. Do I want to be in a relationship? Quite often, yes I do but the head rules the heart. I would quite like the wife and children thing but the gamble is heavily stacked against me. The win would be a long and happy life with kids and a loving wife, the loss would be limited access to my kids while someone else is living with my wife in my house while I exist in a one bedroom flat, skint because of paying for afore mentioned. Shallow? Me? :D

Very sad to read this post but it sums up why I think single living is on the rise. Men being careful and a lot of women effectively left on the shelf. Also a lot of women these days suffer from 'stupid bitch' syndrome.

The trick would be for you to get one of those flexi mortgages, withdraw 75% of the equity spread it around offshore accounts or buy some of the yellow stuff NOW! Then if (when!) it all goes pear shaped then your ex will get half of fvck all - not ideal but a hedged bet

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Marrage is just another trap for most men. The state can control men better if they have to work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the wife and kids.

Why any man would want to sign away their freedom is anyones guess.

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MrPin, you reminded me of this:

Thanks! I am just like Garth, but with a better car! :lol::blink:

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Very true. I always warn my friends who consider becoming house husbands of this aspect of female psychology. I will also be warning my sons about the connecting with your feelings, being sensitive trap. Once I understood how much bs that stuff was, my romantic relationships (as opposed to friendships) with females improved immeasurably.

A TV interview I saw with a couple the better part of 20 years ago burnt an understanding of this into my mind. Husband was a real man's man - been a miner and he lost his job when the pit shut. Wife became the main breadwinner, and she basically said that she lost respect for him and stopped putting out. I doubt their marriage lasted, which was sad given they had 3 or 4 kids iirc.

It doesn't have to be as huge as becoming a house husband; even having a hiccup in your career or being temporarily unemployed is enough for a lot of women to lose respect. In my younger days, I had a couple of hiccups in my career before getting back on track and each time the woman went as well as the job. You could see the cogs turning. Both times the set back turned out to be a precursor to a leap forward. Both times, once "success" was back on the table, the women concerned started "showing regret" and came sniffing around again. Both of them were alleged "feminists." The strange thing is that I don't think they quite understood themselves why their feelings had changed. It makes one dreadfully cynical, and much more careful/choosy. Thank god I didn't have kids or significant assets at the time.

The courts don't seem to treat house husbands who are dumped after giving up their careers in the same manner as house wives. The setbacks and loss of future earnings in this ageist world are almost as bad for men as for women. It is a real injustice and makes an absolute mockery of the lip service paid to equality.

Yep. All of that.

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That's the great thing about having people to stay. It's nice to see them and catch up on things and then it's nice again when they go and you get your house back to yourself.

Absolutely agree with this.

Maybe it is selfish but I like being single, I live my life how I want too.

The downsides to get married, having kids, then getting divorced are just too great.

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Marrage is just another trap for most men. The state can control men better if they have to work in order to pay the mortgage and feed the wife and kids.

Why any man would want to sign away their freedom is anyones guess.

I got married because I love my wife and it was a sacrament of my religion, I have seen a lot of fifty year old ' free' men confirms marrying for love was the right choice.

For millions of us it is nothing to do with the State

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Yes that is very true.

If there is no chemistry then a relationship will provide more loneliness, heartache and miserableness than being single.

That is why I am currently single. Recently have dated a few women and had no chemistry with them whatsoever. So I did the best thing and always broke off.

As a bloke, I find that when I meet a girl, straight away I can tell if she is right for me just by looking at her appearance, behaviours and mannerisms. I do not care what people say, you cannot bring yourself to love someone. No way. That is why it is always best to find someone suitable, even if you are single for years.

Great post. It really is bolt between the eyes true love and a prize worth fighting for, you have to work at it from then on mind.

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Maybe it is selfish but I like being single, I live my life how I want too.

Ultimately it's down to the individual.

A friend of mine has been married pretty much his entire adult life. I don't think he'd take well to being single. I certainly don't think he could live my life, it would depress him.

Likewise, I don't think I could lead his life.

So we're both living the life that's right for us.

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Ultimately it's down to the individual.

A friend of mine has been married pretty much his entire adult life. I don't think he'd take well to being single. I certainly don't think he could live my life, it would depress him.

Likewise, I don't think I could lead his life.

So we're both living the life that's right for us.

I think there are a lot of people who couldn't handle not to be a relationship...I've got mates like that...they go from one long-term relationship to another. They couldn't cope being on their own...

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My ex has remarried, she doesn't like him, she thinks he is a tosspot. My G/Fs since the divorce have been nutters and/or druggies. Actually met a 'normal' woman but no, addicted to TV and believes everyone should keep to the advertised path. Hmmm...

We got out of the marriage because we both had somewhere else to turn ie. the welfare state. A mates parents made it through and you can see it in their faces, like 2 old soldiers that were together during the Somme AND Tubrook. Am a bit jealous of those 2 old buggers.

Through other friends, I get to meet a few childless singleton guys over 50, sad to say, they're not really worth knowing. Doesn't matter what your ex stung you for, as long as you get to say 'that's mine' when pointing at a picture of a sprog, she has done you the biggest favour in the world, you are a PARENT and that is the best thing in the world to be, whether you live alone or not.

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I dont want to go off thread but can't help wondering if having children is worthwhile. People often talk about having babies or children a bit like getting a puppy but those babies grow up into teenagers and adults and have to contend with all the crap that's out there like working in a boring job for arseoles and dealing with clients and arseole colleagues. Then if their parents aren't wealthy they can pretty much forget about anything other than paying somebody else's mortgage. Then there's commuting and travel which is a cattle class nightmare these days. They may struggle with relationships - there's a lot of cheating going on and in my experience a lot of people who think they are in happy relationships wouldn't be if they knew what their partner's are upto (just look around your own workplace for examples). They might get divorced which isn't the most pleasurable experience going and to top it all loads of people seem to die in their 50s and 60s leaving behind devasted families. All in all nice.

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I dont want to go off thread but can't help wondering if having children is worthwhile. People often talk about having babies or children a bit like getting a puppy but those babies grow up into teenagers and adults and have to contend with all the crap that's out there like working in a boring job for arseoles and dealing with clients and arseole colleagues. Then if their parents aren't wealthy they can pretty much forget about anything other than paying somebody else's mortgage. Then there's commuting and travel which is a cattle class nightmare these days. They may struggle with relationships - there's a lot of cheating going on and in my experience a lot of people who think they are in happy relationships wouldn't be if they knew what their partner's are upto (just look around your own workplace for examples). They might get divorced which isn't the most pleasurable experience going and to top it all loads of people seem to die in their 50s and 60s leaving behind devasted families. All in all nice.

I suspect it's still an improvement on most of past and present humanity's existence - and they don't seem to worry about sprogging.

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