Dave Beans

I Want To Be Alone: The Rise And Rise Of Solo Living

245 posts in this topic

You know why being in love even exists? Because without the temporary insanity it provides no couple would ever commit financially to living together and they certainly wouldn't ever have any kids.

Living alone has good and bad points, as does cohabiting. You pick the least worst!

This is what happens. Well, if this happened it would not be so bad.

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I have lived on my own for 3 years and absolutely adore it.

Three years is nothing, try doing it for 20-30 years (maybe with some chronic illness or debilitation) and then tell me if you still adore it... :rolleyes:

I don't for a minute doubt that living alone for a few years during specific life phases can be a good experience, I have done it myself, what I doubt is that any people doing that would still enjoy it long-term or for life.

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Three years is nothing, try doing it for 20-30 years (maybe with some chronic illness or debilitation) and then tell me if you still adore it... :rolleyes:

I don't for a minute doubt that living alone for a few years during specific life phases can be a good experience, I have done it myself, what I doubt is that any people doing that would still enjoy it long-term or for life.

Agreed that the majority of people probably do want to live with a significant other but there's certainly some that genuinely don't. I have a very close friend in his 50s who's lived by himself for 30 years and I'm certain he wants to keep it that way. I also know that he's not been short of opportunities to change it over the years and has passed them all by. I don't see any sign of him being lonely either - he has a very full social life, often has friends from all over the world to stay and generally enjoys himself greatly. You just can't generalise when it comes to people.

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You just can't generalise when it comes to people.

Of course not, exceptions confirm the rule. The thing is the article in the OP was trying to convince us that solo living is becoming the new normality (not just exceptions) and that's rubbish when considered long-term.

---

Edited by awake_eagle

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Three years is nothing, try doing it for 20-30 years (maybe with some chronic illness or debilitation) and then tell me if you still adore it... :rolleyes:

I don't for a minute doubt that living alone for a few years during specific life phases can be a good experience, I have done it myself, what I doubt is that any people doing that would still enjoy it long-term or for life.

Everyone is different awake eagle. I know there are 1000's of very lonely people out there and I wish I could make them less so. My ex mother in law lost her husband and misses having some one to look after, she is very lonely so we encourage her to go out and, hopefully, find someone else she can have a meaningful relationship with. Me, I don't want someone else. People may find this odd but I am happy and believe I will still be happy in 10 years time. I certainly don't want a partner just incase I have a chronic illness; how selfish is that? I would rather shoot myself!!

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One of my friends was married for nearly twenty years. Out of the blue ... his wife decided that she wanted a career, and ran off with another woman :blink:. His children now live with two mothers. Her "partner" also left the father of her children ..... what a tangled web :wacko:

She obviously got fed up of just hoovering the carpet

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Articles like the one in the OP link have been published regularly for the last few decades. Basically accepting of and subliminally (or even not so subliminally) encouraging single living along with the acceptance of marriage split up. It's certainly not a new theme in articles over recent decades.

More singles = more demand for housing units - and the rest.

I'm not saying that solo living won't suit some but don't think that the media/newspapers have all of a sudden come across a new idea or something new to publish and manipulate.

Edited by billybong

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It's not just a young person's thing either. There are plenty of us blokes in our 40s who for whatever reason just never ended up with a partner and, although not minding the lifestyle, live alone because that's just where we've ended up at this stage rather than actively choosing it. It's ok most of the time, but I do worry about the increasing isolation as I get older.

+1. Mrs Mouse passed away sudenly back in March 2009 ( her kids turned on me and left for the biological father ) and now, in my late forties im looking at dying alone in a pile of my own s### being beaten up by some psycopath care worker.

oh well, at least I have never drawn the dole and I wont die in debt.

I supose the state will dispose of the body and auction my shirt.

Living the dream ma.

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You do all realise that if a woman is earning all the money and builds up a career whilst the husband is at home looking after the children, that the man can bleed the woman financially dry, right?

In theory.

In practice the woman still seems to get custody of the kids, as happened in the case of my cousin. He gave up his career with unsocial hours as the manager of a large hotel to take care of the kids whilst his wife worked her way up a law firm via/into a partner's bed. She asked him if she could keep the house to provide stability for their daughter, ostensibly so that she could be in contact with her local friends and go to the same school. It was under contract for sale 2 weeks after he had signed it over and the ex-wife moved the kids 3000km away. The poor guy moved into a shed on his brother's property and hasn't been able to buy a house since due to the crazy prices.

But when it came to custody, guess who got the kids: the lying, cheating mother, or the decent father? You see, she had a good job and owned a house whilst my cousin lived in a shed... Now he gets to see his kids when the wife dumps them on him for the entirety of school holidays because she just can't take care of them all day.

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I also know that he's not been short of opportunities to change it over the years and has passed them all by. I don't see any sign of him being lonely either - he has a very full social life, often has friends from all over the world to stay and generally enjoys himself greatly. You just can't generalise when it comes to people.

I too get visitors but I soon get rid of them! :)

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Three years is nothing, try doing it for 20-30 years (maybe with some chronic illness or debilitation) and then tell me if you still adore it...

Yep. It's still great after all these years.

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I don't see any sign of him being lonely either

You can be most alone in a crowded room.

Being alone simply means you are by yourself. Being lonely is a state of mind.

I wish I had the time to be lonely.

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Could the article be softening us up for the demographic future?

With all those boomers going into care homes over the next 20 years, there's going to be an awful lot of empty houses.

Actually I believe those houses will be turned into tiny flats! We can see this already!

Leasehold is EVIL! :(

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In my experience many of the partners have an eye on you rather than you having an eye on them! They think, because you are alone, you are desperate!

.....not that desperate!.....which makes you wonder why there are some that stay in relationships that are dysfunctional, with emotional or physical abuse with no mutual respect between each other...like walking on eggshells......I can't think of anything that could be worse .....being solo after living in those circumstances must be like being freed from prison....why do people continue to stay? why are they scared of turning their lives around for the better? :unsure:

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+1. Mrs Mouse passed away sudenly back in March 2009 ( her kids turned on me and left for the biological father ) and now, in my late forties im looking at dying alone in a pile of my own s### being beaten up by some psycopath care worker.

oh well, at least I have never drawn the dole and I wont die in debt.

I supose the state will dispose of the body and auction my shirt.

Living the dream ma.

Get a grip, man. You're still a young man. A sprog. A whippersnapper. A callow youth. Late forties? Pah! You've probably got half your life still left to do. Get on with it.

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.....not that desperate!.....which makes you wonder why there are some that stay in relationships that are dysfunctional, with emotional or physical abuse with no mutual respect between each other...like walking on eggshells......I can't think of anything that could be worse .....being solo after living in those circumstances must be like being freed from prison....why do people continue to stay? why are they scared of turning their lives around for the better? :unsure:

We fear change! :unsure::blink:

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We fear change! :unsure::blink:

...so is that one reason why some who leave prison try and find a way back into one? :P

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Spot on. Take out the family unit, communities, etc etc. Increase immigration to further destroy any unity. All part of the plan.

Agreed, and typical Guardian crap too.

There's always been single people and the statistics look bad because as we live longer and women live longer than men you get more single older women in the stats. Wait until the next credit crunch, every single woman under 50 will be grasping for a solvent man like their lives depended on it.

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Everyone is different awake eagle. I know there are 1000's of very lonely people out there and I wish I could make them less so. My ex mother in law lost her husband and misses having some one to look after, she is very lonely so we encourage her to go out and, hopefully, find someone else she can have a meaningful relationship with. Me, I don't want someone else. People may find this odd but I am happy and believe I will still be happy in 10 years time. I certainly don't want a partner just incase I have a chronic illness; how selfish is that? I would rather shoot myself!!

Loneliness is a terrible thing. I think it is one of the life lessons to learn to deal with or change.

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In theory.

In practice the woman still seems to get custody of the kids, as happened in the case of my cousin. He gave up his career with unsocial hours as the manager of a large hotel to take care of the kids whilst his wife worked her way up a law firm via/into a partner's bed. She asked him if she could keep the house to provide stability for their daughter, ostensibly so that she could be in contact with her local friends and go to the same school. It was under contract for sale 2 weeks after he had signed it over and the ex-wife moved the kids 3000km away. The poor guy moved into a shed on his brother's property and hasn't been able to buy a house since due to the crazy prices.

But when it came to custody, guess who got the kids: the lying, cheating mother, or the decent father? You see, she had a good job and owned a house whilst my cousin lived in a shed... Now he gets to see his kids when the wife dumps them on him for the entirety of school holidays because she just can't take care of them all day.

Numerous studies done have shown that women tend to lose love and respect for a man who becomes a house husband - man, on a deep rooted level, has to be the bread winner, protector and 'be a man' for a great majority of women. It is the same reason why rich, successful women chase men who are richer and more successful - it is a deep rooted evolutionary need in them.

All this stuff about connecting with your feelings, being sensitive, etc is bull - that is a way for many men to lose the women in their lives.

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+1. Mrs Mouse passed away sudenly back in March 2009 ( her kids turned on me and left for the biological father ) and now, in my late forties im looking at dying alone in a pile of my own s### being beaten up by some psycopath care worker.

oh well, at least I have never drawn the dole and I wont die in debt.

I supose the state will dispose of the body and auction my shirt.

Living the dream ma.

Sorry to hear about Mrs Mouse.

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.....not that desperate!.....which makes you wonder why there are some that stay in relationships that are dysfunctional, with emotional or physical abuse with no mutual respect between each other...like walking on eggshells......I can't think of anything that could be worse .....being solo after living in those circumstances must be like being freed from prison....why do people continue to stay? why are they scared of turning their lives around for the better? :unsure:

101 reasons. Mental conditioning the abused by the abuser to the abuse is the main one.

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What about those of us that never get 'lonely', are not even sure what it means? The schizoid case. How many years have you gone without having a conversation with another person? Yep, you read correctly, I said years.

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What about those of us that never get 'lonely', are not even sure what it means? The schizoid case. How many years have you gone without having a conversation with another person? Yep, you read correctly, I said years.

How can you live without having a conversation with someone?

Do they have internet access in Tibetan caves now?

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How can you live without having a conversation with someone?

Do they have internet access in Tibetan caves now?

With enough money, you need not work. I for example live in rural France, nobody passes by here. It does not matter if they do since I cannot speak French.

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